Fighting Fantasy #12 - Space Assassin

Title: Space Assassin

Author: Andrew Chapman

Illustrators: Christos Achilleos (cover), Geoffrey Senior (interior)

Published: 1985

Level of previous knowledge: Ummm. Errr. Hmmm. I have to assassinate some space? Yeah, very little. For some reason I remember this book has possibly the shortest ever ending paragraph in a gamebook, not that I know if I got there honestly or not.

Plot summary: A mad scientist named Cyrus is plotting to use our planet as a giant petri dish, threatening to spawn hideous mutants and rain viruses down upon us all. I have been contracted to seek out this lunatic on his spaceship and dispose of him by whatever means possible. Armed to the teeth and protected by cutting edge armour, I smuggle myself aboard the Vandervecken and begin my mission…

Rules: This book introduces the ARMOUR statistic which helps determine whether an opponent’s shot penetrates your armour and does damage in gunfire combat, which is a new combat type also described. There are no rules for using LUCK in combat. Weapons are bought with a D6 roll of currency at the beginning of the book and can do various amounts of damage, as well as thrown weapons such as grenades. Spare currency (ha!) could be spent on extra ARMOUR points. Provisions are replaced by Pep Pills which are sadly quite limited in number (apparently they blew the budget on the armour).

Oddly the rules mention nothing about SKILL, LUCK or ARMOUR exceeding the Initial score, but I’m going to play as if the usual rules are in place. Rather than just popping all my pep pills at the start...

Attempt #1

Stats rolled: SKILL 9, STAMINA 20, LUCK 12, ARMOUR 8

Equipment: D6 roll: 6 – Assault Blaster, Electric Lash, +4 ARMOUR (now 12)

Entering the ship via an airlock I found myself in a small corridor with the body of some kind of alien critter. Poking it carefully, I discovered it was in possession of a weird, incomplete device attached to its body, with a button under its finger. Disconnecting it from the deceased creature, I stowed it in my pack in the hope that I might find the other parts later on (in the absence of any idea of what it could be, I scribbled ‘weird device’ on my Adventure Sheet).

Picking a maintenance hatch, I headed down a cramped tunnel, soon arriving at a door behind which I could hear a gurgling sound. Intrigued, I entered the room to find a robot guarding two cells, one of which was the source of the sound. Rather than mess about I took out the robot with my assault blaster, and was offered the robot’s identical weapon for free at the end of the brief combat. I could have spent those three points on something more fun, like a gravity bomb – damn it! Giving up my attempts to graft a second assault blaster to my suit I turned my attention to the cells. One of them contained nothing, but while I was looking a ‘screaming little ball of fur and legs’ leapt on to me from above, taking a hefty bite out of my armour before running off and glaring at me from a distance. Muttering, I checked the other cell to find an old man, battered and covered in bandages and scars. No explanation for these was forthcoming, but he did give me some rather random advice that if I should ever meet the pilot of the ship, I should pretend not to know anything about thinking or feeling. Hmmm.

The next hatch along the corridor took me into a laboratory of some sort, occupied by a pair of rodent-like creatures who, despite their alien appearance (I assumed I didn’t look like one of them, at least) spoke my language perfectly. Maybe this was because they were extremely intelligent scientists, as evidenced by the white lab coats. I threatened them into submission, and made them strip before tying them up (the imagery here is fascinating and quite honestly disturbing). Taking their key-like devices, I continued through a security door into another corridor, where I soon came to a lavish but oddly-furnished kitchen-diner, discovering a couple of energy bars which I took with me, ignoring the undescribed unpalatable food options.

The next room I entered contained another security robot, which again I chose to blast into smithereens rather than hang around and chat. Investigating the room I discovered a safe embedded in the floor with three coloured buttons. Pressing one at random, I caused a soundless explosion which blew me and the smithereens next to me, to smithereens. Huh.

Conclusion: Failure. So it’s that kind of book.

Number of combats: 2

Attempt #2

Stats rolled: SKILL 8, STAMINA 21, LUCK 9, ARMOUR 9

Equipment: D6 roll: 5 – Electric Lash, Gravity Bomb, +2 ARMOUR (now 11)

Taking the same route as last time, I took out the guard robot guarding the cells with my basic starting weapon and helped myself to the free upgrade. Continuing along the familiar path and destroying the second robot, I was again faced with the decision as to which coloured button to press. The first button caused the dial to light up, which I took as a good sign. The second button caused a huge explosion, which I didn’t.

Conclusion: Failure.

Number of combats: 2

Attempt #3

Stats rolled: SKILL 10, STAMINA 24, LUCK 7, ARMOUR 12

Equipment: D6 roll: 5 - Electric Lash, Gravity Bomb, +2 ARMOUR (now 14)

Retracing my steps again, I pressed the correct sequence of buttons to find something extremely important to my quest… another gravity bomb. I should have expected that, given the fate of the previous two assassins. Stepping through a door, I found myself in a laboratory of some sort, where I was attacked by a small laser-firing globe. Dispatching it with a single, unnecessarily devastating shot, I searched the room to find a dead crab, some tablets and a can of nerve gas. I was sure there must have been a funny story behind this collection of items, but I was damned if I could come up with it. Junkie that I was, I took one of the tablets (don’t try this at home, kids) and was pleased that it was a health restoring pill. Grabbing another two, I went back to the previous room and moved on.

The next room was a library of some sort, where, given a choice of interesting reads, I opted for the one most unlikely to be of any use, because it was probably the one most likely to be of use. Soon an expert in the nervous systems of molluscs, I continued on to a room containing a glass cage of insane squirrels. Offered a closer look, I didn’t realise that meant opening the cage and reaching inside, resulting in a mass escape effort, at which all but one of them were successful. Grabbing the creature, I fed it some fruit from a nearby crate, and it decided that I wasn’t so bad after all and sat happily on my shoulder. Wondering about the pros and cons of a purring squirrel on the shoulder of an intergalactic space assassin, I pocketed some more fruit and headed back to the corridor.

At the end of the passage, two nondescript buttons were positioned on the wall. Pressing both at once, I was alarmed when the floor gave way beneath me and I slid for several minutes down a chute of some kind, before being ejected above a doughnut-shaped planet. Absorbing the breathtaking views and apparently not concerned at all about my imminent death from plummeting to the surface, I suddenly came to a gentle stop just above the ground and landed gracefully in the middle of a grassy plain. Utterly baffled at this point, I wandered wonderingly in a random direction, unsure as to how I was supposed to get back to the ship. Soon finding myself in a forest, I was greeted by a large unfriendly shrub which grabbed me with its vines and ate me alive. Hmmm.

Conclusion: Failure.

Number of combats: 4

Attempt #4

Stats rolled: SKILL 9, STAMINA 19, LUCK 10, ARMOUR 9 

Equipment: D6 roll: 2 – Electric Lash, +2 ARMOUR (now 11)

After getting my free assault blaster, I took a slightly different route and ignored the hatch leading into the room with the furry scientists. Instead I entered a much more fun-looking room, the door to which was adorned with a sign. I didn’t read it properly but it said something about danger and authority, nothing to worry about. Inside was a long narrow room and along its walls were long, red fluorescent tubes. Walking to the other end, I opened a box containing two levers, which I couldn’t resist pulling. The first caused the lights to pulse unnervingly and a menacing hum filled the air. Undeterred, I pulled the other one and… oops! I started a countdown to the destruction of the entire ship. Silly me!

Running for my life, I hurtled down the corridors until I was lucky enough to come across an escape pod. Strapping myself in, I launched clear of the ship just in time. I was congratulating myself on an easy victory when I realised that the exploding ship would deposit its deadly viruses all over the planet, and I had only hastened the fate of my people. Doh.

Conclusion: Failure.

Number of combats: 1

Attempt #5

Stats rolled: SKILL 10, STAMINA 16, LUCK 9, ARMOUR 7 

Equipment: D6 roll: 4 – Electric Lash, +6 ARMOUR (now 13)

Electing not to blow up the ship this time, I wandered down a wider tunnel and entered a hatch at the end, to find a man in white overalls laying in his bunk and looking rather upset. Deciding to befriend him, I learned that the man was a technician who hated Cyrus because he was demanding that he shut down the command robot, which had developed a personality of its own and a belief that Cyrus was dangerously insane. The technician refused to do this because it would be tantamount to murder. Not wanting to get into an ethical debate I eventually managed to extract myself from the conversation with a security key that would help me open some of the doors on the ship.

In the next room I attempted to strike up conversation with some repair robots, but as it turned out they were in need of repair themselves and unable to respond. Feeling a bit silly, I rooted around and found a talking robot head, which at least talked (although didn’t appear to listen at all), so I added it to my inventory. Moving on, I opened another hatch and ducked as a nasty-looking disk flew directly at my head, then turned around and came at me again. Shooting it out of the air I had a look around and found some armour that looked particularly effective, however as my own ARMOUR score was so high at this point I decided against taking it.

Entering the next room I was confronted by eight pillboxes which all opened fire on me. Assuming I had to fight them all at once, and really wishing I’d brought a grenade with me, I managed to defeat them all, but at the expense of the vast majority of my armour. Dearly wishing I could go back to the previous room for the super armour now that my own was in tatters, I was railroaded reluctantly onwards.

There were two doors in front of me, and one of them had levers, and levers are fun, so I pulled at them randomly to see what would happen. I should have guessed really, I mused as the floor slid away and I found myself plummeting towards a gentle landing on a familiar yet alien planet.

Heading relentlessly in the opposite direction to the hungry plants that ate one of my previous selves, I eventually found myself at a chasm, into which I descended via the extremely perilous stairs cut out of the rock. Then I wandered along the base of the chasm until I came to a lake and, left with no alternative (except you know, doing something sensible), I swam out into it. Unsurprised when something grabbed my leg, I ended up in hand-to-hand combat with a gigantic octopoid, wishing that I was as well-read as the afore-mentioned previous self. Barely surviving the encounter I swam down to find a submarine, which I popped into for a look around. Luckily the submarine required a very basic level of seamanship to master – that of pressing a single button to set it going. Destination unclear, I settled down for a quick nap.

Eventually, and bafflingly, the submarine emerged into a room which appeared to be inside the Vandervecken. Opening the only door, I found myself on a path floating above distant countryside below, which I was informed was also inside the Vandervecken. Starting to giggle hysterically I edged carefully along a path for quite some distance, taking a turning and eventually arriving at a floating aluminium cube with a door in its side. Entering, I found myself in some kind of cryogenic stasis centre containing two sleeping occupants. Reviving one of them, I was first subjected to small talk and then physical violence when the apparent human turned into some kind of bat mutant and attacked me. The other occupant was a horrific spider-like creature but, having just learned not to judge on appearances, I attempted to communicate it by waving my arms around and making clicking noises. Happily it wasn’t as offended by this as it should have been and we ended up having a nice conversation. It gave me a sachet of ‘Anti-mollusc formula four’ which I assumed would be highly useful for some reason, and I left him to it.

Back on the weird path I took another turning and arrived at a gigantic wall which appeared to extend for miles below. Opening the handy door I stepped into some kind of security check point where I was confronted by two guards. Finding nothing of use in my pack I did the most reasonable thing and opened fire on them,  fortunately discovering that they were awful shots. As an alarm went off I nipped through a security door and found myself in a room containing nothing but a pool of water, with a bridge across and a path around it. Opting for the path, I made it halfway around before a pair of disgusting tentacled mutants emerged from the pool and oozed threateningly at me. Armed for the situation, I pulled out the sachet of anti-mollusc formula four and sprinkled it on them, causing a catastrophic reaction (for them) and no small amount of squealing. As they retreated into the water I ran for the exit.

The next room contained a rather intimidating alien clad in thick metal armour, who was mostly intimidating due to the fact that it was pointing a disintegrator at me. Luckily he was a puzzly guard instead of a fighty one, and his question was easy enough to answer. Choosing a door, I entered a room containing a host of floating black spheres. That looked a bit scary, so I backed away and chose a different door, which led to a choice of passageways, one of which had a clear WARNING sign next to it. Never one to ignore a warning (ha!) I took the other path, I ignored a dodgy-looking lever and climbed up into a small room with two maintenance hatches, labelled ‘Accelerator 4B’ and ‘Transtube 113-24’. Not liking the sound of either of them much, I picked the latter, and wandered down a tunnel before suddenly being run over by whatever a high speed intra-vessel transit shuttle is.

Conclusion: Failure.

Number of combats: 6

Attempt #6

Stats rolled: SKILL 9, STAMINA 19, LUCK 7, ARMOUR 18

Equipment: D6 roll: 5 – Electric Lash, Grenade, +6 ARMOUR (now 18)

Going back to a previous strategy, I followed the route which took me through the laboratory and o

btained a gravity bomb and a free squirrel. Arriving at the dead end with the buttons, I mashed them in a different order this time and a corridor opened up in front of me, revealing the strangest bunch of cleaners I had ever seen – two fat bipedal cat-midgets and a man whose facial features seemed to consist entirely of vegetables. They were also the least friendly cleaners I had ever met, and I was forced to batter them into submission (to be fair they did their share of battering) before moving on.

Opening a hatch, I scrambled through a dark and cramped maintenance tunnel until I emerged into a room containing a small hurt alien who whimpered something about nasty black blobs causing his injury but refused to elaborate. Shrugging, I continued down through another hatch and found myself on a familiar nonsensical mid-air path, which I followed, much as I did before. A different turn took me to a laboratory where a tentacle-armed man was strapped down, having apparently been the victim of grisly experiments. I told him I was here to kill Cyrus, and he whispered something about ‘always the middle’ before passing out.

Back in familiar territory I reached the security checkpoint where my can of nerve gas worked wonders on the guards, and carried on until I met the riddling alien with the disintegrator. Answering his question again, I opened the middle door, and was met once again with a room full of floating black spheres. At this point I was conflicted – I had been told ‘always the middle’ but also warned that the black ‘blobs’ were extremely dangerous. Then I noticed that one of the options was to walk down the ‘middle’ of the room, and went for it. The spheres floated out of my way and I made it through the door at the other end, relieved to have all my appendages intact.

The door opened into a large hallway, flanked by strange metal representations of bizarre creatures on pedestals. As I drew level with the first, they posed another riddle. Duly getting it entirely wrong, I was forced to fight six of the creatures, who were apparently offended at my level of stupidity. Surviving the combat by virtue of a high ARMOUR score (a thing of the past by the end, however),  I approached the final two creatures, next to two doors. A poor variant of the ‘two guards’ puzzle followed, to which either door could have been the correct answer, but luckily I chose correctly, or at least I think I did. A pair of robotic sentinels awaited me in the next room, armed with laser blasters. Spurning the opportunity to do something stupid like vaulting on to the ceiling girders, I simply blasted them to pieces, taking quite a bit of damage in the process.

I soon found myself on the ship’s bridge, where a human-like robot pilot stood, linked to the computer by some kind of umbilical cord. The robot asked me some deep philosophical questions, but forearmed with the advice that I should not engage in such a debate with the pilot, I bored it into letting me pass. A shame, because I was curious about where the conversation might end up.

Again taking the middle door, I was surprised to find an equally surprised Cyrus relaxing in an armchair. Ignoring his offer of a drink, and scoffing when he pointed a clockwork device at me and claimed it fired armour-piercing bullets, I lunged straight for him. He scurried away, opening a suitably-villainous secret passage and diving through. Following close behind, I was shocked to find that in a few seconds he had managed to climb into a giant suit of robotic armour, with which I was forced to engage in combat. Prevailing only due to the fact that there is nothing in the rules to prevent the use of Pep pills in combat, I dragged the unconscious scientist out of the machine and tied him up.

Conclusion: Success! That last sentence contained more words than paragraph 400…

Number of combats: 7

Review

Writing: I found the writing in this book extremely variable. In places there are some amusing descriptions, for instance ‘extremely fat bipedal felines with backpacks’, but others, such as ‘fierce little easter eggs with bushes of hair’ and ‘screaming little ball of fur and legs’ don’t really help much (luckily they are accompanied by drawings – I wonder what the artist had to go on?). The story is decent and set up reasonably well, but does not develop at all as the book goes on. The book involves a series of bizarre encounters and situations with no sense of progress until you stumble across the villain. The final encounter seems like a missed opportunity (Cyrus is a potentially interesting villain, based on the strange encounters on the ship) and felt really anti-climactic, especially the final paragraph.

Writing: 2/5

Artwork: Alternately excellent and plain boring. The sterile nature of some of the drawings does suit the book better than a fantasy-based one, but that doesn’t make them particularly appealing. Others are very detailed and do a good job of giving life to some of the bizarrely-described creatures on the Vandervecken. The front cover is also very good.

Artwork: 3/5

Design: The book plays like a series of isolated encounters with very little to tie them together. There are a lot of random decisions (which button to press, which door to open) and in the vast majority of cases zero clues as to which would allow you to progress and which would lead to instant death. The book suffers even more from the affliction that affected House of Hell in that you stand a much better chance of success if you avoid all the interesting stuff. After 6 attempts I realised I still hadn’t actually turned to the paragraph containing a complex-looking puzzle, nor had I found my way to what appeared to be some kind of tank battle simulation. Presumably these encounters just provided more ways to die, rather than being important to the plot or helping the player to win, because I was successful regardless. The route to victory did not require any items or clever decision making – you just need to be lucky enough to have decent stats and make the right uninformed choices.

There is also some vagueness with the rules. It appears that LUCK is not usable in combat in this book as may have been expected (at least in hand-to-hand combat). In fact LUCK is hardly used in the book at all. The worst thing was that the text was rarely explicit as to whether a combat was hand-to-hand or ranged and left you looking for words such as ‘firing’ or ‘blaster’ to work it out – and in a couple of cases you don’t even get that.

The ranged combat system is at least a bit different but as there are virtually no ways to repair your ARMOUR, it quickly becomes useless, especially after a fight with 8 Portabots, for instance.

Design: 1/5

Fairness: The book is riddled with instant death paragraphs, most of which, although entertaining, seem to occur through no real fault of the player. Other than that, the book is rather easy once you know the correct path.

Fairness: 2/5

Cheating index: 0 Razaaks

Average enemy stats

Successful path: 15 enemies, SKILL 7.5, STAMINA 4.8

Entire book: 45 enemies, SKILL 6.7, STAMINA 5.2

Instant death paragraphs: 24

Any player can win no matter how weak initial dice rolls: This book doesn’t actually make this claim, but if it did, it would be a close thing. With a SKILL of 7 you might just be able to do it with a decent ARMOUR score and if you find some STAMINA-restoring items (and use them in combat, which the rules do not forbid). With minimum rolls for everything it seems unlikely, but you never know – this might be TRUE. Anyone fancy a minimum stats challenge?

Final thoughts: Some good ideas are in this book, but the execution is so poor that it ruins the experience. The writing is all over the place and there’s no excuse for the brief paragraph 400. There are some entertaining moments, however, so it’s not completely terrible. Just mostly.

Final score: 3/10