Fighting Fantasy #9 - Caverns of the Snow Witch

Title: Caverns of the Snow Witch

Author: Ian Livingstone

Illustrators: Les Edwards (cover), Gary Ward and Edward Crosby (internal)

Published: 1984

Level of previous knowledge: I remember the storyline very well – man inherits quest to defeat Snow Witch, man defeats Snow Witch, man spends rest of book trying to survive consequences of defeating Snow Witch. The details of how any of that is achieved escape me at present, although the high difficulty level is less easy to forget.

Plot summary: Oh right, well, see above. At the start of the book, however, I am a mere caravan guard who has just volunteered to hunt down whatever ferocious beast slaughtered everyone at a trading outpost in the mountains. Little do I know how the nature of my quest would soon change…

Rules: Standard rules, ten provisions, choice of potion. The Adventure Sheet has a space for Jewels, which I feel is hopelessly optimistic.

Adventure Log:

Attempt #1

Stats rolled: SKILL 7, STAMINA 15, LUCK 10

Potion: STAMINA

I suspect my first trip into the frozen wilds of the Icefinger Mountains will be extremely short and violent…

Beginning my hunt, I head back to the outpost where the traders were brutally slaughtered in the hopes of finding tracks to follow. Unfortunately they’d long since been covered by the heavy snow so in absence of a better idea, I decided to wander up into the mountains with the visibility at near zero. My high SKILL score would get me through, right?

Eschewing the tempting opportunity to cross an ice bridge across a crevasse with a SKILL score of 7 (did I mention the visibility?) I chose to walk around instead. Before long I was set upon by a friendly mammoth which, in an attempt to nuzzle me gently, accidentally tore me limb from limb and left my crushed remains to be buried by the snow.

Conclusion: Failure. Obviously.

Number of combats: 1

Attempt #2

Stats rolled: SKILL 12, STAMINA 15, LUCK 7

Potion: LUCK

My high SKILL score will get me through, right?

Right. Following my own footprints, I headed up into the mountains once more. Feeling better about the ice bridge this time, I stepped gingerly on to the slippery surface and was asked to make a LUCK test. Oh crap. LUCKily I managed to avoid falling to another premature death and made it to the other side. Could I go home now?

Pushing on through the howling wind, I soon encountered two friendly wolves who attempted to eat my face. Unfortunately for them, they had encountered a more skilled incarnation of this caravan guard, and were dispatched quickly. Assuming these were not the creatures I was looking for, I continued my climb. However, the incline increasing and the pleasantness of the weather decreasing, I began to struggle to make progress. Stubbornly pushing on, I was prompted a second time that maybe it would be a good idea to take shelter, so I took the hint and built myself a lovely igloo. Settling in my new home, I ate a luxurious meal and nothing tried to eat me for an hour or so. Good times.

Emerging after the blizzard abated, I continued on until I arrived at a wooden hut. Wondering if our vicious beastie was more civilised than I gave him credit for, I braced myself and entered. Finding little more than the trappings of a trapper, I was briefly disappointed until I spotted a pan of stew. Helping myself (it would be a shame if someone came home to find themselves the victim of a stew theft, but I had a sneaking feeling it wouldn’t be an issue), I had a nice rest before leaving the hut behind, grabbing a couple of weapons on the way out.

Feeling better prepared, I continued on my way, eventually hearing the cry of a stew theft victim being eaten by a yeti (I had a keen ear). Having found the object of my quest, I charged into battle, chucking a spear as I did so (oh yes, spear theft too – well he should have brought it with him, shouldn’t he?). Despatching my opponent with ease, I turned my attention to the injured fur trapper. It was too late to save him, but with his extremely long dying breath he told me a story about the evil Snow Witch, living in a cave up in the mountains, plotting to rule over mankind by bringing on an eternal ice age. Riveting stuff, but he died before telling me about the hero who slew her and saved the world. Anyway, I had to go back to my employer and collect my pay for a job well done. Then I lost control of my body entirely, and went in the opposite direction looking for a fictional witch instead of you know, keeping my job.

A sudden improvement in the weather put a pep in my step as I began my search for the Crystal Caves. I was soon brought to a halt by the rumbling sound of an oncoming avalanche, but I barely made it to a sheltering outcrop just in time as the snow and rocks cascaded around me.

Eventually I discovered the entry to the caves, a massive illusory wall of ice which gave no resistance as I passed through into a long tunnel. Turning at a junction, I arrived in a cavern containing nothing but a bowl of yellow liquid, complete with wooden ladle, resting on an ice plinth. Briefly wondering if this was where yellow snow came from, I decided to sip the liquid, assuming that it was unlikely to be poisonous given that they didn’t really expect any uninvited visitors here. It turned out to be some kind of healing potion, and I strolled back out of the cavern with a warming glow.

Further down the tunnel I came across one of the Snow Witch’s followers, a tall hooded mountain elf. Inwardly panicking, I attempted to nod my way past him, but he noticed that I wasn’t wearing an ‘obedience collar’ (I assumed due to some kind of X-ray vision allowing him to see through multiple layers of clothing and furs) and questioned me about it. Given the option to pretend I was having my collar widened due to weight gain, I decided the safest thing to do was to murder the poor chap in cold blood, so I did. As he died, the collar he was wearing stopped glowing, leaving me to wonder if this incident had not gone unnoticed.

At another junction I prudently turned in the direction away from the sounds of running and I was soon rewarded for this sensible course of action when the floor collapsed beneath me and I fell into a pit trap. Oof. I guess they were prepared for uninvited visitors after all, although how they managed to prevent the more stupid of the Snow Witch’s followers from blundering into this trap time and time again was a mystery. Two goblins then arrived and peered down at me, perhaps wondering if I was one of those stupid followers or an intruder. Deciding on the latter, they demanded that I throw away my sword and climb the rope they provided. Quickly guzzling my LUCK potion then giving the rope a firm tug had the pleasing result of both greenskins falling headlong into the pit, a trip which neither survived (one of them took a little persuasion). I looted what I could from their corpses and clambered out of the pit, continuing down the tunnel to find out what the pit trap was protecting.

Arriving at a circular cave containing a frozen orc and two pools in the ground, from each of which protruded a weapon, I read a carving in the ice which made it obvious which weapon was useful and which was not. Grabbing the weapon I was pleased to discover it added to my combat skill (using my rules this increases my attack strength regardless of initial SKILL, as it doesn’t make much sense otherwise) and rummaged through the orc’s backpack. Disappointed to find some mouldy bread, I declined the fungal snack and moved on.

This event was followed by an odd kind of dream sequence where I met a finely-clothed minstrel who played a song which healed my wounds. Having not eaten the mouldy bread I had no idea why my dreams were so vivid, and didn’t actually remember going to sleep, but when I awoke I was extremely refreshed, if somewhat baffled. Bewildered, I wandered straight into a chamber where some kind of congregation was going on, and straight out the other side before anyone noticed how my un-enslaved state. As I continued onward I heard cries for help and, feeling pretty darn heroic at the moment I headed in that direction to find a dwarf in a pit with onlookers chucking boulders at him. I helped him out by helping him out, and he gave me a sling and some drivel about a White Rat. Noticing the capital letters he used, I made a mental note to look out for it. Or away from it, or whatever.

I eventually emerged in a large cavern with a skull-shaped exit on the opposite side which was extremely foreboding and may as well have been adorned with a sign saying “Evil sorceress this way”. In front of this was some kind of elderly magician clutching a glass prism in his gnarled hands, who told me, in no uncertain terms, to bugger off. Lacking the item which would have provided the only other option, I decided that slaughtering the old man was the only course of action, and although he made this difficult by becoming three of himself, I managed to smash his prism which upset him rather a lot, and he ran off, presumably to ask the Snow Witch to get him another one. Avoiding the skull exit for now, I thought I’d check one of the side exits, assuming that I’d eventually come back here to progress. This proved emphatically to not be the case when an iron grille slammed down behind me as soon as I entered the tunnel. Perturbed, I continued along the tunnel and found my way blocked by another iron grille. More perturbed, I managed to throw a dagger accurately at the switch beyond which lifted the grille and allowed me to progress (the fact that for some reason this was a LUCK test and nothing to do with my SKILL meant that success was against the odds).

After a brief altercation with a crystal warrior which crumbled under the blows of my handy war hammer, I took another turning and arrived in a room with an open sarcophagus. A white rat jumped out of it and ran at me threateningly. Remembering the dwarf’s words I looked for the option to run for my life, but sadly this did not exist, and I was forced into combat with its final form, which was unfortunately that of a gigantic white dragon. In the ensuing melee I gave a good account of myself and had it on the ropes but before I could strike a killing blow its breath attack caught me off guard, and I became an extremely heroic-looking ice statue for the Snow Witch’s collection.

Conclusion: Failure.

Number of combats: 6

Attempt #3

Stats rolled: SKILL 10, STAMINA 22, LUCK 12

Potion: STAMINA

Hmmm. I might stand a chance with the high STAMINA, but I’d better steer clear of any rats just in case.

Taking the same linear route through the mountains, I fought my way past the wolves and had a rather more fraught encounter with the Yeti this time, but my sheer endurance pulled me through. Entering the Crystal Caves I took the same route until I bumped into the mountain elf once more. Feeling less murderous today, I persuaded him that I was here to join the Snow Witch’s followers and, after attempting to talk me out of it, he gave me directions which avoided the pit trap and allowed me to explore a new tunnel.

I soon came to a kitchen, manned by a gnome chef and his Neanderthal scullion. Quite fancying a bit of the moose that was being skinned within, I entered, only to be meekly waved away with a bit of stale cake for my troubles. The cake wasn’t bad, but that moose looked darn tasty. Not long after I arrived at the room of worship again and attempted to stroll through the service nonchalantly. Unfortunately this offended some of the more devout worshippers and I was forced to run for it, expertly dodging their whips and darts as I did so.

Back on a familiar track, I helped the dwarf out of his pit once more and eventually found myself back in the skull-exited room with the mad magician leering at me again like he didn’t know what was coming. Smashing his little toy, I took the opposite door to last time, lacking the dagger necessary to escape the iron grille trap within. My heart sank as yet another iron grille slammed down behind me, but was momentarily relieved when my passage further was barred not just by an iron grille, but am iron grille with a door in it. A locked door. Oh dear. Lacking any kind of key and no option to pick the lock with, I don’t know, a war hammer, I was forced to wait until someone found me and dragged me off to join the Snow Witch’s minions.

Conclusion: Failure. Maybe I should just get over my skulldooraphobia.

Number of combats: 2

Attempt #4

Stats rolled: SKILL 11, STAMINA 19, LUCK 9

Potion: LUCK

Taking the same route as last time, with a couple of exceptions – firstly I admitted to the mountain elf that I was going to kill his boss and he was delighted about that and gave me his cloak (I’m sure a lot of people can empathise), and when I arrived at the skull-framed door I bravely marched straight through, rather than risk getting trapped in the silly side passages again. On the other side, I met a big, friendly giant holding a treasure chest. Before I knew it my adventuring instincts kicked in and I’d fired a ball from my sling into the side of his head, before checking out the contents of the chest. Inside I found three rings. Knowing there was a good chance one of them would mean a painful death or worse, I decided that I would only try one of them on, and went for the least-valuable looking one in the hope it wasn’t a trap. Fortunately the ring told me it had the power to summon a warrior to my side, once and once only. How it relayed this information I can’t quite remember.

Leaving the chamber, I was soon back in a familiar tunnel where I was once again forced to smash a crystal warrior to pieces, this time taking quite a beating in the process. Copper ring, anyone? No? Hmph. Up ahead I turned away from the room where the white ratdragon resided and came to a closed door, behind which I could hear the sounds of shuffling feet. Unable to hear any dance music I assumed someone inside was incredibly shy or embarrassed, and knocked politely. The door was opened by a zombie who was perfectly friendly until he realised I probably had a brain, and became rather bad-mannered at that point. Chopping him into bits, I grabbed some miscellaneous junk from the storeroom and headed the only way I could go, which was unfortunately back the way I came.

Arriving once more at the sarcophagus, I sprinkled some recently-acquired ground minotaur horn on the transforming rat, and it scurried off into the shadows. Examining the sarcophagus I was shocked to discover it to be the resting place of the vampiric Snow Witch, who rose from her slumber and, only slightly perturbed by the garlic I brandished at her, proceeded to enslave me and drink my blood. If only I’d found a stick on my travels…

Conclusion: Failure.

Number of combats: 3

Attempt #5

Stats rolled: SKILL 7, STAMINA 17, LUCK 7

Yeah, right. Screw that.

 Stats rolled: SKILL 12, STAMINA 17, LUCK 12

That was the genuine second roll. Starting to earn Razaaks though…

Potion: STAMINA

So – bridge, wolves, yeti, cave, elf. Same as last time… until I arrived at the kitchen where the gnome and his Neanderthal friend were cooking up whatever vampiric sorceresses eat for dinner. On the lookout for any alternatives to my usual path, I refused the offer of cake and launched into an unprovoked attack on the startled pair,  slaughtering the dim-witted scullion and sending the chef running for his life. Pleased with my act of violence I searched through the cupboards, finding several items: a stick with runes carved on it (woohoo!), a self-tooting flute, and a rose. Taking the first two items and leaving the rose alone on the basis that one in three items is nearly always a trap, I moved on, feeling more confident about my chances against the Snow Witch.

Eventually finding myself once again in the room with the skull door and the leering idiot, this time I took the new option available to me, that of pretending that I was here to play a little ditty on my flute for the Snow Witch. In turn, he tried to fool me by sending me down a tunnel which I knew full well led to a locked door and likely entrapment. After that, events proceeded much as they did last time. I took an absolute battering from the crystal warrior this time, but hobbled onward, picking up the odd items from the kitchen on the way to the Snow Witch’s chamber.

This time I was in possession of both garlic and an appropriate weapon, and was therefore able to pierce the evil sorceress’s heart with the apparently very sharp stick. And that was that. Heading homeward, I went looking for Big Jim and the caravan in the hope that I hadn’t been fired yet. Oh. What do you mean, there’s more?

Falling for the old ‘golden idol transforms into treasure guardian’ trick, I gleefully looted the Snow Witch’s treasure trunk and found myself in combat once again with a massive armoured warrior. Slightly scathed and more than a little tired, I prevailed and helped myself to a pile of gold, being offered the chance to leave an item behind for every 50 gold I took. Now I wished I’d picked up more crap along the way. (A bit odd that an empty backpack would have enabled me to take zero gold!) Leaving behind what must have been a surprisingly large clove of garlic and the now tainted stick, I shoved 100 gold into my backpack, quickly interrupted by the arrival of a dwarf and an elf, who were delighted that I’d saved them from enslavement and offered to help me escape. Rather than go back through the tunnels which were apparently full of goblins (hello? SKILL 12 here) they took me onward, through more tunnels which they had never explored before. Yay. While Redswift the elf jabbered on about nothing in particular and the dwarf (Stubb) smiled a lot, we came across some kind of glass orb on the floor, containing a swirl of colours. At this point I just wanted to get out of here, so I took the elf’s advice and left it well alone.

Onward, and we soon came to a large casket on one side of the tunnel. Despite grave misgivings and the advice Redswift had given only minutes earlier, we decided it would be jolly good fun to mess around with it, and drew lots to find out who would open it. The elf drew the short straw, and fortunately so as his elven instincts alerted him to a hidden catch which he released, evading a potentially nasty trap and revealing the treasure within – a pair of magical boots. Less fortunately for me, when we drew lots to decide who would get to wear them, Stubb the dwarf won, and gleefully pranced about in his new silent footwear while we grumbled to ourselves.

Making a note to loot the dwarf’s corpse should anything happen to him in the near future (ahem), we soon encountered a cave man who took exception to our presence, so I sent my companions down the next tunnel while I stayed behind to beat him up. Finding an odd star-shaped disc on his person, I pocketed it and caught up with my friends to find they had made the acquaintance of a tentacled monstrosity called a Brain Slayer. Feeling somewhat obliging, I willingly gave up some of my brainpower in order that my friends might live. Or at least, I think I did. Nursing a very sore head (and a permanent -2 to my SKILL) I was unable to prevent the creature’s escape, and found my companions in a similar state to mine. Opening one of the pots in the room in search of paracetamol, I found a parchment which taught me a spell to protect against an air elemental. Useful. Specific, but useful. Another pot contained a square metal disc which I added to my toy collection.

Yet another tunnel ended at a wooden door in which was embedded a dagger. Thinking better of touching the weapon, we opened the door into another tunnel, where we sat down for a rest. Grudgingly giving away the remainder of my provisions, I  wondered how much further there was to travel. Further on, another door, this time with a parchment pinned to it. Redswift read the archaic script, and looked a bit terrified. Maybe it said “Any player, no matter how weak on initial dice rolls, should be able to get through fairly easily”. He then tore it to pieces and wouldn’t talk about it. I assumed we’d be fine then. Continuing down the next tunnel, I was unpleasantly surprised to find acid dripping on to me to the stalactites above, causing no little damage to my battered body.

Arriving in a larger cavern, we surprised an orc who had just entered from the other side. There was a glass globe on a plinth, which began to glow and coalesce into an image of the vile Snow Witch. She informed us that she could still defeat us, and proved it by using her spiritual powers to strangle the orc to death via his obedience collar. She then turned her attention to my companions, who were still wearing theirs. I fired a ball from my trusty sling, but this had no effect other than triggering a bolt of lightning that very nearly fried my face. She then began to strangle my companions while I hurled insults at her, eventually tapping into her ‘playful’ nature, which involved bringing in zombified versions of my friends for me to face in combat. Downing my potion of stamina before wading in, I defeated them with surprising ease. She then proposed a game of ‘Discs’ which was similar to Rock, Paper, Scissors and would use the discs I’d found on my travels. Only possessing two discs, I was concerned about my chances of winning, but I chose correctly and victory was mine. Apparently losing the game was more than the spirit of the Snow Witch could bear, and the globe shattered with her cry of defeat. Somehow evading death from the collapsing roof, we clambered out of the cavern and found ourselves outside. We had escaped!

Agreeing to accompany my friends to Stonebridge, we travelled for two days until we came to the river Kok, where we paid an indolent ferryman an exorbitant sum of money to take us across. Hiding from some passing centaurs, we soon came across an old man who charged us more money in exchange for the bad news that hill trolls were gathering near Stonebridge, and the nearby watering hole was poisoned. None of this mattered for long, however, as soon afterwards we were attacked by formidable bird-men who tore us limb from limb. Jeez.

Conclusion: Failure. This is really an epic journey. Even with great starting stats I ran out of juice before the end. All I can do is try again and hope to find something to stop the Brain Slayer slaying my brain, as the loss of 2 SKILL points really cost me.

Number of combats: 10

Attempt #6

Officially in cheat mode now. Rolling 4 dice and allocating as I see fit:

Stats rolled: SKILL 12, STAMINA 16, LUCK 11

Not quite as good as last time, but if I can avoid losing SKILL I might make it further. I’ll take a potion of SKILL this time just in case.

Imagine the same story as last time, except that I took a sneaky peek at another reference and realised that had I not been carrying the war hammer I could completely avoid the encounter with the crystal warrior. This seemed rather unfair so I threw away the war hammer as the warrior approached and used the genie instead, granting me invisibility and allowing me to sneak past.

Ultimately I defeated the physical version of the Snow Witch again, and continued into the tunnels with my new-found friends. Taking a slightly different route to last time, we came to an odd stretch of tunnel floor which was covered in black and white footprints. Choosing to walk on the white ones we were battered by gigantic hailstones coming from er, upwards. This soon abated and, continuing on, we came across a (now known to be useless) circular disc which I picked up.

Continuing on, we found ourselves in a familiar tunnel, eyeing up a familiar casket and drawing straws to determine who the sucker was. This time it was Stubb, and he got himself bitten by the snake hiding within. Rather than killing it and helping ourselves to the treasure, we apologised profusely and backed away from Mr Snake, continuing down the tunnel.

Once again lacking the necessary item, my brain was, alas, slain once again by the slayer of brains, the Brain Slayer. Downing my SKILL potion and muttering to myself, we continued on. Taking a different turn again, we found a shield which was protected by an air elemental – fortunately I had read the scroll which taught me the spell to shoo it away and took the shield without incident, noting with satisfaction the extra SKILL point it provided. The shield also provided convenient protection from the dripping acid in the next chamber.

Annoyingly the SKILL point gain was counterbalanced by the Snow Witch when my attempt to smash the globe with a slingshot resulted in being struck by lightning. Grrrr. Nevertheless I defeated her zombie minions and then won her game without problems, then escaped the caverns and began the journey towards Stonebridge.

Not feeling like paying the lazy boatman again, we walked down the riverbank until we came across another boat. Waiting for its owner to arrive rather than committing needless theft, we settled down for the night. Before long I was woken by the sound of Redswift summarily gutting a dark elf with his sword. Unsure as to what his victim had done to deserve such a fate, I gleefully looted the corpse and found some kind of green potion. Taking leave of my senses I drank deeply, happily discovering it was a potion of healing. Welcome back, SKILL point! Selfishly I finished the entire thing myself, giving no thought to my companions. Soon we cooked up a delicious stew, restoring yet more health and giving me some hope of surviving the rest of the adventure. Taking the boat (murder and theft is clearly more justifiable than just theft) we made our way to to the other side of the river and continued our journey.

Ignoring an old man offering old advice for gold, we were soon set upon by the bird-men once again. This time I was able to prevail over my freakish opponent, whose friends decided we were best left alone. As we continued on, I suddenly had the realisation that I was quite thirsty and didn’t have a water bottle. Unsure as to how I didn’t notice these crucial details earlier, we soon came to a watering hole, which we ignored based on advice from an earlier life. Luckily we soon came across the corpse of a dwarf from Stonebridge, which still had a full water bottle on it. Stubb was less pleased about this for some odd reason.

Stubb had his vengeance when we spotted some trolls approaching the town of Stonebridge on the following morning. Tempted to leave him to slaughter all six of them in his berserk rage, we decided to help him out nonetheless, and it turned out we were pretty good trollslayers. Still frothing at the mouth, Stubb headed straight for the town with us staggering behind. We met his friends who informed him that their previous hammer had been stolen and it was somewhere in Darkwood Forest. Stubb then told us we were no longer welcome to stay in Stonebridge for some reason, before heading off to the forest with his friend Bigleg who I failed to recognise on account of him missing a big hole in his stomach.

Heading off once again, we managed to avoid bumping into more trolls, but I was becoming quite concerned about my diminishing LUCK supply after all these tests. This was confirmed when Redswift breezily informed me that the scroll he read in the dungeon was actually a Death Spell and we were both doomed unless we could find a person called the Healer in the Moonstone hills. Annoyed that the Death Spell not only targeted the reader of the parchment but anyone unfortunate enough to be standing nearby at the time, I attempted to carry him onward, but he selfishly passed away before we got very far, forcing me to waste more time burying him. Weakening by the moment I decided to spend some more time investigating a tree stump, which happened to be full of flesh grubs. Avoiding any contact with them, I was informed that I wasn’t going to find the Healer in a tree stump. Thanks for the clue!

Arriving at a wooden hut I had my time further wasted by a herbalist who was not the Healer, and apparently didn’t think to ask him if he had any herbs that might be useful in my current condition. Oops. Things took a turn for the better later on when I bumped into an elf named Ash who happened to be the brother of the recently deceased Redswift. Agreeing to help me find the Healer, he led me to a dangerous-looking rope bridge. Unfortunately not given an option to avoid LUCK-based activity, we made our way carefully on to the bridge. Two LUCK tests later we had barely made It across, only to be attacked shortly after by a mercifully incompetent death hawk, which had an intimate meeting with one of Ash’s arrows at the second attempt.

Ash gave me directions to the Healer and left me to continue alone, and when I came to a wooden tree house I couldn’t resist the urge to drag my rapidly weakening self up the rope ladder to investigate. Within I was set upon by a man-orc but despite my condition I dispatched him easily. Stealing his stuff, I clambered back down and continued on my way, soon coming across a sleeping barbarian. Lacking any fancy boots which would help to sneak past him (damn you, Mr Snake!) I was forced yet again into combat, again prevailing without much trouble. Putting on his armband which read “Strength is Power”, I was pleased to discover it increased my combat skill even further. A shame it didn’t say “Luck is Power”, not that it would have made any sense.

Finally coming to the Healer’s cave, I entered to find the disfigured man sitting in front of a wall covered in bizarre masks. He told me that he had only ever cured the Death Spell once and was very unlikely to be able to cure me, then handed me a mask to wear which drained more of my health, thus ensuring that he was correct. He then took me to a wide pit with a log across it, and told me to cross. Rather than provide any light, he informed me that if I brought my own light source, it would be easier. Well, duh. Increasingly unsurprised at the Healer’s track record at curing my particular condition, I lit my handy candle and stepped on to the log with trepidation. Happily the crossing was a test of my ability and not random chance, and I made it across. The next test involved walking past a screaming banshee without succumbing to the urge to shut her up. The banshee told me I was going to die, and she was probably right so it didn’t bother me much.

At last the Healer informed me that I must travel to Firetop Mountain and climb to the top before dawn, where the rising sun would finally cure me of the Death Spell. Fortunately I happened to have a silver arrowhead with which he could summon a Pegasus to transport me directly there (again I was rather unimpressed with the Healer’s preparedness for curing this condition). Riding the beast through the skies, I mentally ticked this experience off my list of “Mythical beasts to ride before you die”, doubting I would ever get to tick off “Kraken” or “Mermaid”.

Arriving at the mountaintop, I settled down for a rest, unaware that Firetop Mountain was named as such for its red grass at the peak, which happened to be sleeping grass. Soon I was in a deep slumber, unable to wake until the image of a Phoenix entered my mind. Recognising it as such, I awoke just in time for the sun to rise and cure me of my ills. Climbing carefully down the mountain (what an anticlimax that could be) I set off for Stonebridge in the hope that Stubb had not only returned from Darkwood forest already, but had for some reason been immune to the Death Spell that afflicted Redswift and I. You never know…

Conclusion: Success! And about time too.

Number of combats: 12

Review

Writing: The story starts off as a fairly standard one – lowly caravan guard sent to hunt down yeti and finds him/herself dragged into a quest to defeat an evil villain and save the world. However it doesn’t end there and if anything the adventure post-mission is longer than the mission itself. This is interesting in a way but also feels a little bit like it’s been dragged out too long into an anticlimax. However the writing itself was good enough to keep me engaged throughout, with some nice descriptive text (despite the somewhat repetitive tunnels) and some relationship building with other characters. The gratuitous references to previous books did start to get a bit grating.

Writing: 3/5

Artwork: A nicely done front cover, although perhaps slightly odd to someone who hadn’t yet read the book. The internal illustrations have a distinctive style which may not be to everyone’s tastes but I quite enjoyed some of them, the image of the Brain Slayer (grrrr!) slaying the brains of Redswift and Stubb being one of my favourites.

Artwork: 4/5

Design: This felt like an extremely long adventure – I haven’t been comparing the number of paragraphs passed through on the way to victory in each book but I suspect this is easily the longest so far. This demonstrates a degree of linearity in the book, which gives the illusion of choice many times but keeps you largely on the same track throughout. This does make the inevitable replays increasingly tiresome.

Mechanically this book is brutal, and even with a SKILL of 12 you need a certain amount of luck to get through the sheer gauntlet of combats and STAMINA loss as a result of the Death Spell. In my final attempt I was worrying about my LUCK situation near the end because despite starting with a score of 11 it had decreased to 5 and I had a vague memory of needing to pass a LUCK test to get to the top of Firetop Mountain. Fortunately I’d forgotten about the Pegasus option which allowed me to skip the dangerous climb. I did enjoy the idea that I was running out of time to get healed towards the end but I felt like I was have preferred it if the majority of STAMINA loss came from the Death Spell and not from the random encounters along the way (a SKILL 12 Bird-Man, really?)

Design: 2/5

Fairness: As mentioned, the number of combats which required god-like stats to survive makes this a book for the extremely skilled adventurer. Also the encounter with the crystal warrior seemed rather unfair, not being given the option to call the genie and skip the encounter entirely if you own a war hammer is very harsh, especially as its far from an easy fight, and never are you offered the chance to use the genie again in the book even when there are several occasions where it would have been highly useful. On another occasion I was a bit miffed when I realised that to obtain a crucial item for killing the Snow Witch I had to violently attack some of her followers without provocation (they offered me cake!), which seems a bit mean-spirited considering their situation. That said, there aren’t too many situations where a 50/50 decision leads directly to failure.

Fairness: 2/5

Cheating index: 2 Razaaks

Some stat fiddling was needed when it became obvious that the average Joe wouldn’t stand a chance. I also peeked at the relevant crystal warrior reference so I could ‘lose’ the war hammer before the encounter.

Average enemy stats

Successful path:

15 encounters, SKILL 8.1, STAMINA 7.9

Entire book:

44 encounters, SKILL 8.4, STAMINA 8.4

Instant death paragraphs: 25

Any player can win no matter how weak initial dice rolls: Uh-huh. Huuuuge LIE.

Final thoughts

A decent, epic-feeling story marred by the sheer gauntlet of difficult combats and the linearity which reduces the pleasure of replays significantly. If you want to get anywhere in this book without replaying exactly the same events over and over, do yourself a favour and start with a SKILL of at least 11. I started off enjoying this one but eventually couldn’t wait for the end.

Final score: 5/10