Fighting Fantasy #13 - Freeway Fighter

Title: Freeway Fighter

Author: Ian Livingstone

Illustrators: Jim Burns (cover), Kevin Bulmer (interior)

Published: 1985

Level of previous knowledge: I remember bits and pieces, particularly the fact that you have to choose the right route at each turn because you need to find every fuel canister along the way. Sadly I don’t remember any of the actual route at all.

Plot summary: A killer virus has wiped out most of mankind, which is divided into peaceful fortified towns and roaming gangs of barbaric savages. A resident in a town called New Hope, I have been called upon to transport food supplies to another settlement in exchange for a tanker of fuel. My journey will be long and perilous, so luckily I have a car with all the optional extras I could ask for, including armour plating and rockets.

Rules: The most notable change is the addition of the car, the Interceptor, which has FIREPOWER and ARMOUR stats. The car is also equipped with a certain amount of weaponry – rockets, iron spikes and oil spray. STAMINA is higher than usual, with 24 points added to the roll rather than the usual 12. Med-Kits replace Provisions but perform the same function. Combat is divided into unarmed, shooting and vehicle combat. For the second book in a row there are no rules for using LUCK in combat.

Attempt #1

Stats rolled: SKILL 10, STAMINA 27, LUCK 12, FIREPOWER 7, ARMOUR 30

Driving through the gates of New Hope, I entered a wasteland of ruined buildings, abandoned vehicles and wild animals. I soon arrived at a small town which appeared deserted, and hearing a gunshot in the distance, I decided to get out and explore, because heading towards the sound of a gunshot is definitely the correct course of action. Fortunately the shooter was friendly, and when I told him the truth about where I was from he gave me some useful advice – not to stop at Joe’s garage down the road because they’d rob me. Continuing my drive, my memory was sorely tested when the very next paragraph saw me arrive at Joe’s garage, which I duly ignored and drove on despite the attractive car/girl outside.

Continuing my drive, I was soon confronted by the car on the front cover of the book, complete with turret and unexplained machine gunner. Prevailing at the cost of half my car’s ARMOUR, I left the smoking wreckage of the Chevvy behind. I soon received a call from home, telling me that Sinclair, our council leader, had been kidnapped by a biker gang, and I should look out for them. Shortly after this, my petrol tank had nearly emptied and I was forced to use all my spare fuel to refill. Wondering why a) I had been provided with the most petrol-hungry car in existence and b) I hadn’t been provided with fuel for more than a fraction of my crucial journey to fetch more fuel, I drove on until I was forced off the highway by a tailback of abandoned traffic.  

Turning eastwards (and hoping I hadn’t already failed my mission by doing so) I came across an ambulance parked at the roadside. Unable to resist the idea that I might find some medical supplies, I pulled the doors open and caused a blinding explosion which sent me reeling. Realising that the person who set this trap would now be approaching, I hid under the ambulance, a trick which the highwayman saw through immediately due to the gallons of blood I was leaking everywhere. Taking my chances, I came out shooting, putting him down despite my injury. The ambulance was empty (after fixing myself up I had actually found a negative number of Med-Kits) but the highwayman had some money and some knuckledusters which I hoped would be useful.

Turning south once again, I eventually arrived at a wooden bridge, which a sign saying ‘PRIVATE PROPERTY – KEEP OUT!’. Scoffing at the pathetic attempt to intimidate me, I drove my car carefully on to the bridge, and made my way successfully to the bottom of the river after the bridge collapsed in a thunderous explosion. At least I wasn’t intimidated.

Conclusion: Failure.

Number of combats: 2

Attempt #2

Stats rolled: SKILL 7, STAMINA 30, LUCK 11, FIREPOWER 7, ARMOUR 33

Taking the same route (and again losing half my ARMOUR to the Chevvy), I wanted to avoid as much confrontation as possible on account of my low SKILL score so ignored the parked ambulance and continued eastwards. Eventually I came to a roadblock built from upturned vehicles, which I destroyed with one of my rockets (rather than driving around it, which might have required some kind of ability on my part). This spooked the bikers waiting in ambush, and they sped away, firing a warning shot. Letting them go (my FIREPOWER score isn’t too hot either) I drove onwards, taking the next turning towards a place called Rockville.

Before my arrival a stray shot from a bazooka exploded rather close to my car. Going after the hooligans with the intention of giving them a piece of my mind – they’d blow someone up if they weren’t careful – I found myself entering the small settlement, welcomed by withering gunfire from a nearby farmhouse. Taking out the farmhouse with a rocket (I wondered if this option could be applied to every situation?) I heard cries for help, which I discovered belonged to our missing council leader, Sinclair, who was happily located in the general store and not the farmhouse I had just obliterated. Searching the buildings that were still standing gained me some fuel, a pair of wire cutters, a can of meat which I wolfed down (hope it wasn’t dog food) and a crossbow bolt in the shoulder, courtesy of a booby trap.

Moving on, I took a couple of turnings and ran out of fuel, so filled up with the canister I had recently found. Spending the night sleeping in my car off the road (leaving the car unattended seemed unwise), I drove south once more, miraculously passing unaware and without incident through a literal minefield laid by outlaws. I soon came to a dirt road which looked like it had been used recently, so I took the detour and arrived at some kind of gentlemen’s racing club. Accepting the offer to partake in a spiffing contest of driving skill (uh oh) for the grand prize of a canister of fuel, I was quick off the line, holding my advantage until my rather unsporting opponent fired a grenade under my car, which exploded and caused quite a lot of damage. I survived this setback though, and was able to overtake the chap after a bit of ramming removed more of my ARMOUR. The iron spikes I deployed to hinder his progress did not work properly, unfortunately, but the second grenade that came my way did, and sadly finished off my poor battered car, and me with it.

Conclusion: Failure. I seem to be on the right ‘track’ though. Heh heh.

Number of combats: 1

Attempt #3

Stats rolled: SKILL 10, STAMINA 29, LUCK 12, FIREPOWER 9, ARMOUR 31

Same route as last time, however this time I was more willing to engage in confrontation and therefore indulged in combat with both the highwayman and bikers, where some awful dice rolls ended up with me losing nearly all my STAMINA and a SKILL point as well as a good chunk of ARMOUR. Oddly I was told that I installed my spare wheel even though I wasn’t aware anything had happened to it. Rescuing Sinclair from Rockville was straightforward, and I continued along familiar roads until I arrived once again at the race track.

The race began well this time, my opponent’s first grenade failing to detonate and leaving me with a substantial lead. Unfortunately my iron spikes failed me again and my car took the brunt of the second grenade, surviving the impact but just barely. As we approached the finish line we approached a small bridge wide enough for only one car. My nerve held while my opponent’s deserted him, and I was in the lead on the final stretch. He closed on me quickly however, and I was forced to decide whether to block him to the left or the right. Picking the option to move right, I was told that my opponent had decided to try overtaking on the right (rejoice!) but that I had incorrectly gone to the left (huh?) and was overtaken, losing the race at the finish line thanks to a mistake in the book. Great.

Knowing failure was now just around the corner, I stopped at a garage where I paid a man named Pete to supercharge my engine. If I was going lose the car soon, I may as well do it quickly. Not thinking to ask him if he had any spare fuel laying around (it was a flipping garage after all) I sped off down the road, where I promptly ran out of fuel and ended my mission.

Conclusion: Failure.

Number of combats: 4

Attempt #4

Stats rolled: SKILL 9, STAMINA 32, LUCK 9, FIREPOWER 10, ARMOUR 33

Basically a repeat of the last attempt, instead losing the race thanks to a failure of nerve at the bridge.

Conclusion: Failure.

Number of combats: 4

Attempt #5

Stats rolled: SKILL 9, STAMINA 33, LUCK 12, FIREPOWER 11, ARMOUR 32

This time I tried to get smart with the paramedic highwayman, going along with his orders to come out from under the ambulance with my hands up, then attempting to throw a knife at him. He saw it coming a mile off though, and gunned me down at the roadside. At least there was an ambulance nearby.

Conclusion: Failure.

Number of combats: 1 

Attempt #6

Stats rolled: SKILL 9, STAMINA 33, LUCK 12, FIREPOWER 11, ARMOUR 32

This time the highwayman was unable to dodge my knife throw and I congratulated myself on an easy win only to discover that I would be bizarrely denied the opportunity to loot his corpse and instead jumped straight back in my car and drove off. Grrrr. After that things progressed as normal until I reached the race track, where I was finally able to win the ultimate prize – a canister of fuel. Getting out of there before things turned ugly I moved on to Pete’s garage where I had him install the supercharger, hoping it would come in more useful this time.

Later on I came across my own car from a previous attempt, overturned by the roadside. Harvesting one of the wheels, I casually reached into the glove compartment and was bitten by an unfriendly rattlesnake, which apparently had fallen in love with a length of plastic tubing. Its romantic efforts were ruined when I shot the dastardly thing in retribution, and took the subject of its affection with me.

After a brief altercation with a pair of astronauts on a motorbike and sidecar which an oil slick dealt with quite effectively, I refilled my fuel tank again, knowing I still had to find more in order to reach my destination. With that in mind I searched an abandoned police car by the roadside, but found the tank empty and a locked trunk which I was unable to budge. Further down the road I was confronted by a couple of members of the local Roman re-enactment society, driving a pickup truck that had been converted into something resembling a chariot. Before I had the chance to point out that double-barrelled machine guns were somewhat rare in ancient Rome they engaged me in combat, where I was sadly forced to destroy their impressive (and hilarious) creation.

Further south I came across a sign pointing east, advertising car engine and body repairs. Shrugging, I headed in that direction and arrived at the garage, where a man tried to extort the princely sum of 200 credits for his services. Unable to afford the price, I continued driving until I arrived at a tunnel entrance blocked by a bus. For some reason not suspecting any kind of trap at all, I wandered casually up to the bus, wondering if it could be moved out of the way. To my surprise (or not) a man leapt out of the bus and tried to extort money from me for the privilege of entering the tunnel – failing that, a duel with pistols would do. Reflecting that I had now at least entered the 19^th century, I reluctantly agreed to the duel, which I won. The man thanked me for shooting him in such an honourable fashion, and warned me about potential landslides up ahead before reversing his bus out of the way and allowing me to continue.

After successfully avoiding the landslides, I came to another roadblock where some men informed me that I would be forced to turn back the way I came unless I could beat a chap called Leonardi in a race. Wondering why everyone was so determined to prevent me travelling along a public road, I reluctantly agreed to the race, winning by a hair thanks to the supercharger I had fitted. Further down the road, half expecting to find a pot of gold in the middle of it, possibly guarded by kimono-wearing, assault-rifle wielding Japanese women on motorised rickshaws, I came across an abandoned truck, from which I was able to siphon some much-needed fuel.

Stopping for a refill and some minor repairs, I headed south through the increasingly unpleasant desert landscape. Eventually I came across a flaming Corvette, and its ex-driver, a woman named Amber who had been attacked by a gang of road warriors, who for unexplained reasons had destroyed her car but left her alone. Apparently she was from San Anglo, my destination, and explained that the town was under constant attack by the gang, called the Doom Dogs, who were determined to massacre everyone living there (except her, obviously). I gave her a lift, and we came up with a plan to break into the gang’s camp and sabotage their vehicles.

Sneaking into the camp with the help of my wire cutters, we attached mines to the Doom Dogs’ cars and ran for it. The explosions started much sooner than expected and we were chased back to the car, barely making it in time before a huge armoured car came into view. Engaging in vehicle combat with the intimidating station wagon, it soon rammed a spike into the side of my car, pinning us in place. Then a voice demanded that we either have a shoot-out or I fight ‘The Animal’ in hand-to-hand combat. Opting for the former, we were remarkably successful and won without more than a slight graze – however the bare-chested Animal then emerged from the car and went into full berserk mode, charging at me and locking me into a bear hug before I could react. How he thought this was a sustainable form of attack I wasn’t certain, but Amber soon knocked him out with a spanner and we tied him up, leaving him for the rest of his gang to find.

Feeling optimistic about the mission, we entered San Anglo and were greeted enthusiastically, given a hero’s welcome and a comfortable bed to spend the night. The next morning I awoke to the sounds of the Doom Dogs attacking the refinery. They managed to blow the doors open with an exploding truck, and then swarmed through the gap, terrorising the citizens. Attempting to rally them to action, I failed to shout loudly enough at them and they surrendered to the Doom Dogs without resistance, putting an end to my hopes of completing my mission.

Conclusion: Failure. I came this far to fail a SKILL check where anything other than a double 6 would have been fine…

Number of combats: 7

Attempt #7

Stats rolled: SKILL 10, STAMINA 30, LUCK 7, FIREPOWER 8, ARMOUR 31

This attempt ended during the Blitz race, after my car, already battered by the encounter with the Red Chevvy early on, failed to survive being rammed repeatedly by the yellow Ford.

Conclusion: Failure.

Number of combats: 3

Attempt #8

Stats rolled: SKILL 8, STAMINA 30, LUCK 11, FIREPOWER 7, ARMOUR 29 

Lost the Blitz race again after chickening out at the bridge.

Conclusion: Failure.

Number of combats: 4

Attempt #9

Stats rolled: SKILL 9, STAMINA 29, LUCK 7, FIREPOWER 8, ARMOUR 33  

A poor LUCK score led to a couple of new experiences this time – one was being shot with a bazooka outside Rockville and the other was meeting an outlaw straight out of a spaghetti western and stealing his Magnum. However, the mission ended much as usual, in another fiery Blitz race explosion.

Conclusion: Failure.

Number of combats: 4

Attempt #10

Stats rolled: SKILL 11, STAMINA 28, LUCK 7, FIREPOWER 12, ARMOUR 33

A combination of poor LUCK and terrible dice rolling meant my car failed to survive the Blitz race yet again.

Conclusion: Failure.

Number of combats: 5

Attempt #11

Stats rolled: SKILL 10, STAMINA 34, LUCK 10, FIREPOWER 11, ARMOUR 34

My decent stats weren’t enough to get me through as the Animal’s station wagon out-manoeuvred me and its pointed ram bar penetrated my car door, killing me instantly.

Conclusion: Failure.

Number of combats: 7

Attempt #12

Stats rolled: SKILL 12, STAMINA 27, LUCK 10, FIREPOWER 11, ARMOUR 31

This time my stats were rolled by allocating 7 dice however I liked.

Managing to reach San Anglo once more, I was this time able to rally the defenders and avoided the defeat by meek surrender which occurred on a previous attempt. Capturing one of the Doom Dogs I held him at gunpoint and was able to persuade them all to leave nicely. Hurrah!

After repairs to the gates were carried out I jumped into the fuel tanker and began the long journey home. Given the choice of spending the night in the fuel tanker or a dodgy-looking motel, I opted for the vehicle again as leaving such a large amount of a precious resource unguarded in a car park seemed like a poor idea. The next day saw me attacked by a pair of would-be hijackers on motorbikes. One of them soon paid dearly for the attempt when, in a masterclass of multitasking, I used the roof-mounted machine gun to destroy his bike while continuing to drive the fuel tanker in a straight line. He did, however succeed at bursting one of my tyres, causing the tanker to veer wildly and come to a stop with me stuck in the cabin. The other biker called me out for a duel, which seemed like the best option at that point. Fortunately I was still quick off the mark and successfully dropped my opponent.

Continuing the journey, I encountered very little resistance on the way back to New Hope, where I soon arrived with the fuel tanker intact. I was hailed as a hero and offered the hand of Sinclair’s daughter in marriage. Or I just imagined the last bit.

Conclusion: Success!

Number of combats: 8

Review

Writing: A post-apocalyptic setting is new to the Fighting Fantasy series and while there’s nothing particularly deep here, it sets the scene quite well, with a specific mission that makes sense given the times being lived in. Pretty much everyone you encounter during the book is motivated by greed – in a society where resources are scarce it makes sense for people to be out to get whatever they can, whatever the cost. The characterisations don’t go much further than that and are pretty thin, even when you meet the brief sidekick Amber and the barbaric Doom Dog leader, The Animal, which are quite one-dimensional characters, but then we shouldn’t expect too much from a Fighting Fantasy gamebook. Overall it’s pretty fun and engaging in parts – the Blitz race for instance – while a bit dull in others (oh look another abandoned car to investigate).  A shameless Mad Max rip-off that doesn’t pretend to be anything else.

Writing: 3/5

Artwork: Some of the art is extremely simplistic in places and while not terrible, doesn’t really depict the post-apocalyptic world in any kind of memorable way. The cover isn’t bad but has a slightly odd flat quality to it which doesn’t quite hit the mark for me.

Artwork: 2/5

Design: In true Ian Livingstone style, we have a mappable multi-route layout, throughout which are scattered the items necessary to succeed in the mission. The main problem is finding three canisters of fuel during the book. The first requires the correct choice of road heading south after coming off the highway near the beginning of the book – there are about six options here and only two of them can result in finding it (and then not necessarily). The second requires you to win the Blitz race, which is fairly hard unless you have extremely good car stats and haven’t already suffered too much in previous combats. The third, annoyingly, requires not only that you take the correct road (out of two options), but that you also make a choice that loses you a SKILL point, in order to find an item which will help you obtain fuel later on.

I’m not sure how I feel about the fuel mechanic, notwithstanding the fact that it makes little sense to even start driving without nearly enough fuel to reach the destination. On the one hand we wouldn’t want the book to be too easy, but on the other, considering that the first fuel canister can only be found by taking one of two of the six available routes, it seems a shame to restrict the content of the book in such a way that some of the encounters are only found along ‘wrong’ paths which result in defeat shortly after. This isn’t uncommon in Fighting Fantasy however, and doesn’t seem as severe as it is in some other books. It doesn’t quite suffer from ‘one true path’ syndrome, but it’s pretty close.

Apart from the fuel situation the book is quite easy to complete if you have decent stats – but you do need to have good SKILL, LUCK and FIREPOWER to have a good chance of getting through, and perhaps ARMOUR too. There are quite a lot of SKILL and LUCK tests, the latter being a bit problematic especially when you’d rather not waste LUCK testing to see if you lose 2 ARMOUR or gain 4 STAMINA and would rather save it for life-or-death situations, however there are ways to regain LUCK as well which are welcome.

I would have liked to see a bit more excitement on the journey back home – the single encounter wasn’t bad but the rest of the journey is waved off as a series of incompetent ambushes and blockades which the reader doesn’t need to know about. It seems like a missed opportunity to not have a desperate race for New Hope with enemies all around, especially when the book was 20 sections short of the usual length.

Design: 3/5

Fairness: Other than turning down the wrong road and missing out on fuel there are very few situations where random choice leads directly to defeat and instant death paragraphs are usually the result of failing a test of some sort, or making poor choices. The difficulty depends mostly on your stats, and finding the fuel canisters. The fact that one of them requires you to unavoidably lose a SKILL point to find an item which helps you get it later is a bit unfair and might cause you to ignore the item on a future playthrough until you discover what it’s for.

Fairness: 3/5

Cheating index: 1 Razaak 

Average enemy stats

Successful path: 9 enemies, SKILL/FIREPOWER 8.1, STAMINA/ARMOUR 13.6

Entire book: 39 enemies, SKILL/FIREPOWER 7.9, STAMINA/ARMOUR 12.6

Instant death paragraphs: 24

Any player can win no matter how weak initial dice rolls: Although there are no unavoidable combats against exceptionally difficult opponents I doubt anyone would survive this adventure with minimum stats simply because there are so many tests which can result in failure or crippling loss of the car’s ARMOUR. Therefore if the book had made this claim (it didn’t) then it would be a LIE.

Final thoughts: Freeway Fighter is a fairly enjoyable post-apocalyptic romp, and if you persevere with it, just about engaging enough to get you through to the end.

Final score: 6/10

Fighting Fantasy #12 - Space Assassin

Title: Space Assassin

Author: Andrew Chapman

Illustrators: Christos Achilleos (cover), Geoffrey Senior (interior)

Published: 1985

Level of previous knowledge: Ummm. Errr. Hmmm. I have to assassinate some space? Yeah, very little. For some reason I remember this book has possibly the shortest ever ending paragraph in a gamebook, not that I know if I got there honestly or not.

Plot summary: A mad scientist named Cyrus is plotting to use our planet as a giant petri dish, threatening to spawn hideous mutants and rain viruses down upon us all. I have been contracted to seek out this lunatic on his spaceship and dispose of him by whatever means possible. Armed to the teeth and protected by cutting edge armour, I smuggle myself aboard the Vandervecken and begin my mission…

Rules: This book introduces the ARMOUR statistic which helps determine whether an opponent’s shot penetrates your armour and does damage in gunfire combat, which is a new combat type also described. There are no rules for using LUCK in combat. Weapons are bought with a D6 roll of currency at the beginning of the book and can do various amounts of damage, as well as thrown weapons such as grenades. Spare currency (ha!) could be spent on extra ARMOUR points. Provisions are replaced by Pep Pills which are sadly quite limited in number (apparently they blew the budget on the armour).

Oddly the rules mention nothing about SKILL, LUCK or ARMOUR exceeding the Initial score, but I’m going to play as if the usual rules are in place. Rather than just popping all my pep pills at the start...

Attempt #1

Stats rolled: SKILL 9, STAMINA 20, LUCK 12, ARMOUR 8

Equipment: D6 roll: 6 – Assault Blaster, Electric Lash, +4 ARMOUR (now 12)

Entering the ship via an airlock I found myself in a small corridor with the body of some kind of alien critter. Poking it carefully, I discovered it was in possession of a weird, incomplete device attached to its body, with a button under its finger. Disconnecting it from the deceased creature, I stowed it in my pack in the hope that I might find the other parts later on (in the absence of any idea of what it could be, I scribbled ‘weird device’ on my Adventure Sheet).

Picking a maintenance hatch, I headed down a cramped tunnel, soon arriving at a door behind which I could hear a gurgling sound. Intrigued, I entered the room to find a robot guarding two cells, one of which was the source of the sound. Rather than mess about I took out the robot with my assault blaster, and was offered the robot’s identical weapon for free at the end of the brief combat. I could have spent those three points on something more fun, like a gravity bomb – damn it! Giving up my attempts to graft a second assault blaster to my suit I turned my attention to the cells. One of them contained nothing, but while I was looking a ‘screaming little ball of fur and legs’ leapt on to me from above, taking a hefty bite out of my armour before running off and glaring at me from a distance. Muttering, I checked the other cell to find an old man, battered and covered in bandages and scars. No explanation for these was forthcoming, but he did give me some rather random advice that if I should ever meet the pilot of the ship, I should pretend not to know anything about thinking or feeling. Hmmm.

The next hatch along the corridor took me into a laboratory of some sort, occupied by a pair of rodent-like creatures who, despite their alien appearance (I assumed I didn’t look like one of them, at least) spoke my language perfectly. Maybe this was because they were extremely intelligent scientists, as evidenced by the white lab coats. I threatened them into submission, and made them strip before tying them up (the imagery here is fascinating and quite honestly disturbing). Taking their key-like devices, I continued through a security door into another corridor, where I soon came to a lavish but oddly-furnished kitchen-diner, discovering a couple of energy bars which I took with me, ignoring the undescribed unpalatable food options.

The next room I entered contained another security robot, which again I chose to blast into smithereens rather than hang around and chat. Investigating the room I discovered a safe embedded in the floor with three coloured buttons. Pressing one at random, I caused a soundless explosion which blew me and the smithereens next to me, to smithereens. Huh.

Conclusion: Failure. So it’s that kind of book.

Number of combats: 2

Attempt #2

Stats rolled: SKILL 8, STAMINA 21, LUCK 9, ARMOUR 9

Equipment: D6 roll: 5 – Electric Lash, Gravity Bomb, +2 ARMOUR (now 11)

Taking the same route as last time, I took out the guard robot guarding the cells with my basic starting weapon and helped myself to the free upgrade. Continuing along the familiar path and destroying the second robot, I was again faced with the decision as to which coloured button to press. The first button caused the dial to light up, which I took as a good sign. The second button caused a huge explosion, which I didn’t.

Conclusion: Failure.

Number of combats: 2

Attempt #3

Stats rolled: SKILL 10, STAMINA 24, LUCK 7, ARMOUR 12

Equipment: D6 roll: 5 - Electric Lash, Gravity Bomb, +2 ARMOUR (now 14)

Retracing my steps again, I pressed the correct sequence of buttons to find something extremely important to my quest… another gravity bomb. I should have expected that, given the fate of the previous two assassins. Stepping through a door, I found myself in a laboratory of some sort, where I was attacked by a small laser-firing globe. Dispatching it with a single, unnecessarily devastating shot, I searched the room to find a dead crab, some tablets and a can of nerve gas. I was sure there must have been a funny story behind this collection of items, but I was damned if I could come up with it. Junkie that I was, I took one of the tablets (don’t try this at home, kids) and was pleased that it was a health restoring pill. Grabbing another two, I went back to the previous room and moved on.

The next room was a library of some sort, where, given a choice of interesting reads, I opted for the one most unlikely to be of any use, because it was probably the one most likely to be of use. Soon an expert in the nervous systems of molluscs, I continued on to a room containing a glass cage of insane squirrels. Offered a closer look, I didn’t realise that meant opening the cage and reaching inside, resulting in a mass escape effort, at which all but one of them were successful. Grabbing the creature, I fed it some fruit from a nearby crate, and it decided that I wasn’t so bad after all and sat happily on my shoulder. Wondering about the pros and cons of a purring squirrel on the shoulder of an intergalactic space assassin, I pocketed some more fruit and headed back to the corridor.

At the end of the passage, two nondescript buttons were positioned on the wall. Pressing both at once, I was alarmed when the floor gave way beneath me and I slid for several minutes down a chute of some kind, before being ejected above a doughnut-shaped planet. Absorbing the breathtaking views and apparently not concerned at all about my imminent death from plummeting to the surface, I suddenly came to a gentle stop just above the ground and landed gracefully in the middle of a grassy plain. Utterly baffled at this point, I wandered wonderingly in a random direction, unsure as to how I was supposed to get back to the ship. Soon finding myself in a forest, I was greeted by a large unfriendly shrub which grabbed me with its vines and ate me alive. Hmmm.

Conclusion: Failure.

Number of combats: 4

Attempt #4

Stats rolled: SKILL 9, STAMINA 19, LUCK 10, ARMOUR 9 

Equipment: D6 roll: 2 – Electric Lash, +2 ARMOUR (now 11)

After getting my free assault blaster, I took a slightly different route and ignored the hatch leading into the room with the furry scientists. Instead I entered a much more fun-looking room, the door to which was adorned with a sign. I didn’t read it properly but it said something about danger and authority, nothing to worry about. Inside was a long narrow room and along its walls were long, red fluorescent tubes. Walking to the other end, I opened a box containing two levers, which I couldn’t resist pulling. The first caused the lights to pulse unnervingly and a menacing hum filled the air. Undeterred, I pulled the other one and… oops! I started a countdown to the destruction of the entire ship. Silly me!

Running for my life, I hurtled down the corridors until I was lucky enough to come across an escape pod. Strapping myself in, I launched clear of the ship just in time. I was congratulating myself on an easy victory when I realised that the exploding ship would deposit its deadly viruses all over the planet, and I had only hastened the fate of my people. Doh.

Conclusion: Failure.

Number of combats: 1

Attempt #5

Stats rolled: SKILL 10, STAMINA 16, LUCK 9, ARMOUR 7 

Equipment: D6 roll: 4 – Electric Lash, +6 ARMOUR (now 13)

Electing not to blow up the ship this time, I wandered down a wider tunnel and entered a hatch at the end, to find a man in white overalls laying in his bunk and looking rather upset. Deciding to befriend him, I learned that the man was a technician who hated Cyrus because he was demanding that he shut down the command robot, which had developed a personality of its own and a belief that Cyrus was dangerously insane. The technician refused to do this because it would be tantamount to murder. Not wanting to get into an ethical debate I eventually managed to extract myself from the conversation with a security key that would help me open some of the doors on the ship.

In the next room I attempted to strike up conversation with some repair robots, but as it turned out they were in need of repair themselves and unable to respond. Feeling a bit silly, I rooted around and found a talking robot head, which at least talked (although didn’t appear to listen at all), so I added it to my inventory. Moving on, I opened another hatch and ducked as a nasty-looking disk flew directly at my head, then turned around and came at me again. Shooting it out of the air I had a look around and found some armour that looked particularly effective, however as my own ARMOUR score was so high at this point I decided against taking it.

Entering the next room I was confronted by eight pillboxes which all opened fire on me. Assuming I had to fight them all at once, and really wishing I’d brought a grenade with me, I managed to defeat them all, but at the expense of the vast majority of my armour. Dearly wishing I could go back to the previous room for the super armour now that my own was in tatters, I was railroaded reluctantly onwards.

There were two doors in front of me, and one of them had levers, and levers are fun, so I pulled at them randomly to see what would happen. I should have guessed really, I mused as the floor slid away and I found myself plummeting towards a gentle landing on a familiar yet alien planet.

Heading relentlessly in the opposite direction to the hungry plants that ate one of my previous selves, I eventually found myself at a chasm, into which I descended via the extremely perilous stairs cut out of the rock. Then I wandered along the base of the chasm until I came to a lake and, left with no alternative (except you know, doing something sensible), I swam out into it. Unsurprised when something grabbed my leg, I ended up in hand-to-hand combat with a gigantic octopoid, wishing that I was as well-read as the afore-mentioned previous self. Barely surviving the encounter I swam down to find a submarine, which I popped into for a look around. Luckily the submarine required a very basic level of seamanship to master – that of pressing a single button to set it going. Destination unclear, I settled down for a quick nap.

Eventually, and bafflingly, the submarine emerged into a room which appeared to be inside the Vandervecken. Opening the only door, I found myself on a path floating above distant countryside below, which I was informed was also inside the Vandervecken. Starting to giggle hysterically I edged carefully along a path for quite some distance, taking a turning and eventually arriving at a floating aluminium cube with a door in its side. Entering, I found myself in some kind of cryogenic stasis centre containing two sleeping occupants. Reviving one of them, I was first subjected to small talk and then physical violence when the apparent human turned into some kind of bat mutant and attacked me. The other occupant was a horrific spider-like creature but, having just learned not to judge on appearances, I attempted to communicate it by waving my arms around and making clicking noises. Happily it wasn’t as offended by this as it should have been and we ended up having a nice conversation. It gave me a sachet of ‘Anti-mollusc formula four’ which I assumed would be highly useful for some reason, and I left him to it.

Back on the weird path I took another turning and arrived at a gigantic wall which appeared to extend for miles below. Opening the handy door I stepped into some kind of security check point where I was confronted by two guards. Finding nothing of use in my pack I did the most reasonable thing and opened fire on them,  fortunately discovering that they were awful shots. As an alarm went off I nipped through a security door and found myself in a room containing nothing but a pool of water, with a bridge across and a path around it. Opting for the path, I made it halfway around before a pair of disgusting tentacled mutants emerged from the pool and oozed threateningly at me. Armed for the situation, I pulled out the sachet of anti-mollusc formula four and sprinkled it on them, causing a catastrophic reaction (for them) and no small amount of squealing. As they retreated into the water I ran for the exit.

The next room contained a rather intimidating alien clad in thick metal armour, who was mostly intimidating due to the fact that it was pointing a disintegrator at me. Luckily he was a puzzly guard instead of a fighty one, and his question was easy enough to answer. Choosing a door, I entered a room containing a host of floating black spheres. That looked a bit scary, so I backed away and chose a different door, which led to a choice of passageways, one of which had a clear WARNING sign next to it. Never one to ignore a warning (ha!) I took the other path, I ignored a dodgy-looking lever and climbed up into a small room with two maintenance hatches, labelled ‘Accelerator 4B’ and ‘Transtube 113-24’. Not liking the sound of either of them much, I picked the latter, and wandered down a tunnel before suddenly being run over by whatever a high speed intra-vessel transit shuttle is.

Conclusion: Failure.

Number of combats: 6

Attempt #6

Stats rolled: SKILL 9, STAMINA 19, LUCK 7, ARMOUR 18

Equipment: D6 roll: 5 – Electric Lash, Grenade, +6 ARMOUR (now 18)

Going back to a previous strategy, I followed the route which took me through the laboratory and o

btained a gravity bomb and a free squirrel. Arriving at the dead end with the buttons, I mashed them in a different order this time and a corridor opened up in front of me, revealing the strangest bunch of cleaners I had ever seen – two fat bipedal cat-midgets and a man whose facial features seemed to consist entirely of vegetables. They were also the least friendly cleaners I had ever met, and I was forced to batter them into submission (to be fair they did their share of battering) before moving on.

Opening a hatch, I scrambled through a dark and cramped maintenance tunnel until I emerged into a room containing a small hurt alien who whimpered something about nasty black blobs causing his injury but refused to elaborate. Shrugging, I continued down through another hatch and found myself on a familiar nonsensical mid-air path, which I followed, much as I did before. A different turn took me to a laboratory where a tentacle-armed man was strapped down, having apparently been the victim of grisly experiments. I told him I was here to kill Cyrus, and he whispered something about ‘always the middle’ before passing out.

Back in familiar territory I reached the security checkpoint where my can of nerve gas worked wonders on the guards, and carried on until I met the riddling alien with the disintegrator. Answering his question again, I opened the middle door, and was met once again with a room full of floating black spheres. At this point I was conflicted – I had been told ‘always the middle’ but also warned that the black ‘blobs’ were extremely dangerous. Then I noticed that one of the options was to walk down the ‘middle’ of the room, and went for it. The spheres floated out of my way and I made it through the door at the other end, relieved to have all my appendages intact.

The door opened into a large hallway, flanked by strange metal representations of bizarre creatures on pedestals. As I drew level with the first, they posed another riddle. Duly getting it entirely wrong, I was forced to fight six of the creatures, who were apparently offended at my level of stupidity. Surviving the combat by virtue of a high ARMOUR score (a thing of the past by the end, however),  I approached the final two creatures, next to two doors. A poor variant of the ‘two guards’ puzzle followed, to which either door could have been the correct answer, but luckily I chose correctly, or at least I think I did. A pair of robotic sentinels awaited me in the next room, armed with laser blasters. Spurning the opportunity to do something stupid like vaulting on to the ceiling girders, I simply blasted them to pieces, taking quite a bit of damage in the process.

I soon found myself on the ship’s bridge, where a human-like robot pilot stood, linked to the computer by some kind of umbilical cord. The robot asked me some deep philosophical questions, but forearmed with the advice that I should not engage in such a debate with the pilot, I bored it into letting me pass. A shame, because I was curious about where the conversation might end up.

Again taking the middle door, I was surprised to find an equally surprised Cyrus relaxing in an armchair. Ignoring his offer of a drink, and scoffing when he pointed a clockwork device at me and claimed it fired armour-piercing bullets, I lunged straight for him. He scurried away, opening a suitably-villainous secret passage and diving through. Following close behind, I was shocked to find that in a few seconds he had managed to climb into a giant suit of robotic armour, with which I was forced to engage in combat. Prevailing only due to the fact that there is nothing in the rules to prevent the use of Pep pills in combat, I dragged the unconscious scientist out of the machine and tied him up.

Conclusion: Success! That last sentence contained more words than paragraph 400…

Number of combats: 7

Review

Writing: I found the writing in this book extremely variable. In places there are some amusing descriptions, for instance ‘extremely fat bipedal felines with backpacks’, but others, such as ‘fierce little easter eggs with bushes of hair’ and ‘screaming little ball of fur and legs’ don’t really help much (luckily they are accompanied by drawings – I wonder what the artist had to go on?). The story is decent and set up reasonably well, but does not develop at all as the book goes on. The book involves a series of bizarre encounters and situations with no sense of progress until you stumble across the villain. The final encounter seems like a missed opportunity (Cyrus is a potentially interesting villain, based on the strange encounters on the ship) and felt really anti-climactic, especially the final paragraph.

Writing: 2/5

Artwork: Alternately excellent and plain boring. The sterile nature of some of the drawings does suit the book better than a fantasy-based one, but that doesn’t make them particularly appealing. Others are very detailed and do a good job of giving life to some of the bizarrely-described creatures on the Vandervecken. The front cover is also very good.

Artwork: 3/5

Design: The book plays like a series of isolated encounters with very little to tie them together. There are a lot of random decisions (which button to press, which door to open) and in the vast majority of cases zero clues as to which would allow you to progress and which would lead to instant death. The book suffers even more from the affliction that affected House of Hell in that you stand a much better chance of success if you avoid all the interesting stuff. After 6 attempts I realised I still hadn’t actually turned to the paragraph containing a complex-looking puzzle, nor had I found my way to what appeared to be some kind of tank battle simulation. Presumably these encounters just provided more ways to die, rather than being important to the plot or helping the player to win, because I was successful regardless. The route to victory did not require any items or clever decision making – you just need to be lucky enough to have decent stats and make the right uninformed choices.

There is also some vagueness with the rules. It appears that LUCK is not usable in combat in this book as may have been expected (at least in hand-to-hand combat). In fact LUCK is hardly used in the book at all. The worst thing was that the text was rarely explicit as to whether a combat was hand-to-hand or ranged and left you looking for words such as ‘firing’ or ‘blaster’ to work it out – and in a couple of cases you don’t even get that.

The ranged combat system is at least a bit different but as there are virtually no ways to repair your ARMOUR, it quickly becomes useless, especially after a fight with 8 Portabots, for instance.

Design: 1/5

Fairness: The book is riddled with instant death paragraphs, most of which, although entertaining, seem to occur through no real fault of the player. Other than that, the book is rather easy once you know the correct path.

Fairness: 2/5

Cheating index: 0 Razaaks

Average enemy stats

Successful path: 15 enemies, SKILL 7.5, STAMINA 4.8

Entire book: 45 enemies, SKILL 6.7, STAMINA 5.2

Instant death paragraphs: 24

Any player can win no matter how weak initial dice rolls: This book doesn’t actually make this claim, but if it did, it would be a close thing. With a SKILL of 7 you might just be able to do it with a decent ARMOUR score and if you find some STAMINA-restoring items (and use them in combat, which the rules do not forbid). With minimum rolls for everything it seems unlikely, but you never know – this might be TRUE. Anyone fancy a minimum stats challenge?

Final thoughts: Some good ideas are in this book, but the execution is so poor that it ruins the experience. The writing is all over the place and there’s no excuse for the brief paragraph 400. There are some entertaining moments, however, so it’s not completely terrible. Just mostly.

Final score: 3/10

Fighting Fantasy #11 - Talisman of Death

Title: Talisman of Death

Author: Mark Smith and Jamie Thomson

Illustrators: Peter Andrew Jones (cover), Bob Harvey (interior)

Published: 1984

Level of previous knowledge: I remember almost nothing about this adventure, which is quite exciting. I distinctly remember the names Tyutchev and Cassandra for some reason, and that I probably shouldn’t mess with them. Otherwise I’m pretty blind going into this one, although I’m sure things will come back to me along the way.

Plot summary: Having awoken from sleep to find myself in some kind of elaborate hallucination, I learn from a talking bird that I have been chosen as the Champion of Fate. Apparently someone needs to do the thing and save the world, but it’s not entirely clear what the thing is. As they send me to the surface of this alien world with no information whatsoever to help me survive, they helpfully advise me not to die. Yay?

Attempt #1

Stats rolled: SKILL 11, STAMINA 20, LUCK 9

Potion: LUCK

My adventure began in a huge vaulted chamber, with some roaring in the distance and footsteps rapidly approaching. I drew my sword and waited until the most obviously goodly-aligned party of adventurers I’d ever seen burst in, and demanded to know my story. Believing that my story was too ridiculous to tell (and still wondering what I’d taken for hallucination to go on so long) I told them I was on a quest against evil, figuring I probably was, even if I didn’t know it yet, and it seemed like the sort of thing that would appeal to them. The wizard of the party cast a spell which revealed that I was lying, and I was forced to admit that I was a drug-addled idiot from Earth who didn’t have a clue what he was doing here. The wizard’s spell confirmed my story (including the idiot bit, apparently) and they immediately let their guard down. Unsure why they suddenly trusted me, I listened to the shieldmaiden as she told me a long-winded story while the roaring noise came over so slowly closer (I was unsure how they had the time for this given the speed at which they entered), the upshot of which was that I was to take this talisman thing and return to my world with it, which would save this one. Pleased that my quest was pretty much over already – I could only assume that those who brought me to this world in the first place were watching closely and could now just send me back… no? – I was about to ask a load of questions when some generic D&D monsters charged in and killed the whole party, but not before the wizard’s teleport spell transported me to the surface. A Dimension Door would have been nice, but I guess he was too low level.

Heading into a nearby forest rather than heading across open ground where I would be highly visible, I soon stumbled into a clearing where a large she-wolf was looking after her cubs. Offering her some alien meat (alien to her, anyway) I convinced her I was friendly, and an old druid emerged nearby to reward me by replacing the food with a golden apple. Being more of a meat kind of guy I wasn’t too impressed, but I didn’t want to offend and I had the feeling he was probably a vegetarian (if he was a vegan, he would have told me so). Rather than ask any questions, directions, or anything else that would be useful, I simply left him to it.

Slipping past a sleeping basilisk (I wasn’t actually aware it was a basilisk until after I’d risked my life trying to creep past it) I approached a serene-looking pond. There was something about it which I couldn’t quite put my finger on, until I heard a cry and realised that what I believed was a perfectly ordinary severed head floating on the surface in fact belonged to an old woman, who begged for help to escape the weeds. How on earth she ended up in such a comical situation was unclear and slightly suspicious, but confident in my abilities to deal with the situation I waded in to help, and was rewarded when she transformed into a beaked/tentacled monster and tried to eat me, before I dealt with the situation.

Continuing my journey, I was soon surrounded by a group of mounted horsewomen, who demanded to know my story. Inwardly grumbling that everyone in this world seemed to be a nosy parker, I told them the truth just in case one of them had access to the same spell as the wizard earlier. They told me to give up my sword and go with them, and doubting my ability to take on all twenty of them, I agreed heartily. They escorted me to the city I was looking for, but insisted on taking me to see their boss, Hawkana, who proved to be a rather unpleasant High Priestess. She had me stripped of the Talisman and kicked out on to the street. I’d lost the most important item in the world and my weapon – not the most auspicious start to my quest.

Given no option to go back inside and give her a darn good talking to, or follow her as she departed for the temple she said she was heading for, or knocking politely and asking if they wouldn’t mind awfully returning my weapon so I could lay waste to the whole lot of them, I chose a street to walk down disconsolately. As hoped I soon came to a blacksmith who sold me a sword for the princely sum of seven gold pieces (actually I had no idea if this was a bargain or not, this being the first purchase I’d ever made in this world). Further down the street I came face to face with a local hoodie, who had distinct characteristics such as no physical body and a pair of glowing coals where his eyes should have been. Demanding the Talisman, he refused to believe my protests that another thief had already gotten to it first, and attacked me, draining a SKILL point. Rather irritated by this point, I hacked the thing to bits of nothingness and moved on.

Further down the street I overheard some thugs plotting to rob the jewellery store. Reflecting that this city contained more thieves than Port Blacksand, I decided to do my bit and went to the jeweller’s to await them, and if possible, see them off in front of the rich owner with access to all the jewels. This actually worked out rather well, and I left with a bulging purse once more along with a shiny ruby. Expecting to be re-robbed at any moment,  I headed for the safety of the public library, where I perused a book telling me about the recent history of the city, most helpfully informing me that the goddess that Hawkana and the warrior women worship was of the evil variety. Great.

Looking for an inn to stay the night, I wandered straight into a man-trap which snapped shut around my leg. Shadowy figures emerged from the, er, shadows and informed me that they were the priesthood of Death, before attempting to rob me of the Talisman which I still didn’t have. Stifling my annoyance that this city was determined to deprive me of my belongings, even the ones I didn’t have, I was roughed up a bit before the city watch arrived on horseback and saw them off.  Sniggering at my predicament, they left me to rot. Swearing revenge on everyone in this foul city (except maybe the jeweller) I was unable to free myself until a descriptionless man approached and released me, before offering me a room for the night. Despite my lack of trust in anyone in the city at this point I was exhausted and accepted the offer, sleeping deeply before waking to find the man watching me closely. Being half awake I babbled my entire story to him, and was relieved when he actually turned out to be helpful, giving me a ring to increase my weapon skill, some gold and a jade rose with which I should prove that I was ‘not a shapechanger’ when I returned. While I considered that any potential shapechangers would probably rob me for the rose anyway, he also advised me to visit the Thieves’ Guild and raze it to the ground, er, look for help with regaining the Talisman of Death there.

On my way to the Red Dragon Inn where I hoped to find members of the Thieves’ Guild, I was nearly bowled over by a pair of fighting students. A brass tiger charm dropped to the ground, and enjoying the chance at some revenge on this thieving city, I grabbed it and wore it around my neck with pride. Arriving at the inn, I cut the barman down to size with a scathing insult before realising that the tiger charm was cursed and had caused me to take leave of my senses. The ensuing fight fortunately didn’t last long, and the suddenly-respectful barman told me a story about a scary bloke named Tyutchev and how I might be a match for him, before giving me directions to the hidden entrance to the Thieves’ Guild. Then, who should enter but Tyutchev himself, accompanied by Cassandra, who plonked herself down on the seat across the table from me before Tyutchev joined her. Standing to leave, I was curtly instructed to stay put by the man, who asked what I was doing at the Red Dragon. Mumbling something vague about looking for thieves, he quickly lost interest in me and I made my way outside before anything kicked off.

On my way back to the sage’s  house I was approached by a small boy who offered me the chance to help out a ‘very clever scholar’ and make some money. Following him, I arrived at a greenhouse where I met two scholars. Wondering which was the clever one, I accepted their offer to fight their weird monster creation in exchange for twenty gold pieces. I defeated it handily, much to the disappointment of the men, who clearly expected it to put up more of a fight, and claimed that they attempted to stop the fight but their ‘spell’ didn’t work. Shrugging, I asked for my twenty gold pieces, and wasn’t surprised when they turned out empty pockets. They did offer me a ‘Scroll of Agonizing Doom’ though, which sounded entertaining if not necessarily valuable.

Arriving at the sage’s house I spent the evening chatting with him and his friend who was apparently some kind of interplanar travel agent. He gave me directions to where I could find a portal back to Earth, typically on top of a mountain a long distance away – I suppose it was too much to hope that it would be in his spare room. Then they taught me a chant which would entreat the All-Mother’s aid should I ever find myself in dire straits.

On my way the Thieves’ Guild I stopped to watch a terrible magician in the street, during which I was randomly handed a card inviting me to take sherry with a man named Mortphillio. Not suspicious at all! Going along with it for now, I was guided into an odd house where a predictably decrepit-looking old man had me attacked first by a talking winged skull and then a horde of skeletons. Escaping the latter, I ran straight into a congregation in the Temple of Death. Oopsy. Grabbing a black robe (why don’t death cults ever wear bright colours?) I melted into the congregation, and was soon handed a chalice of human blood by the vampire next to me, and expected to drink. Unable to think of a reasonable excuse, I did so and suffered greatly for it as my stomach twisted in agony. Eventually the ceremony ended and I left hurriedly to find a bathroom somewhere.

Eventually finding my way to the coal-hole I believed to be the entrance to the Thieves’ Guild, I crawled through a filthy passageway before emerging in a lavishly-furnished room where some men awaited me. Waiting for them to speak first in case I’d unwittingly entered the hideout of another twisted cult, I was soon introduced to Vagrant, the guild leader. Intimidated by the man’s moustache, I blurted out my mission to him, and he suspiciously agreed to help out with no discussion about price whatsoever. This was not going to end well…

Taking a rooftop route to the temple of Fell-Kyrinla, one of the thieves open a window and disarmed a trap, allowing us to get inside unnoticed. I silenced a serving man with the pommel of my sword and interrupted one of the thieves’ attempt to finish him off with his knife, an action which unfortunately involved knocking said weapon down a flight of steps where it made enough noise to wake the dead. You’d think thieves would put some padding on their knives, just in case. The alarm soon sounded, and the thieves disappeared into the shadows, leaving me wishing I hadn’t taken so many fighter class levels. Running headlong down some steps, I dived behind an arras as a gang of guards ran past. Not knowing what an arras was, I had no idea if it could hide me or not, so I was relieved when no-one spotted me. Opening the next set of doors, I found myself in the holy sanctum of the temple, where a slightly annoyed-looking Hawkana awaited, dressed for battle. She began by setting me on fire, which I felt was most unsporting, so I whipped out the Scroll of Agonizing Doom, and was delighted when it almost lived up to its name and weakened her considerably. Finishing her off was no easy task, but finally she fell and I grabbed the nearby Talisman of Death. Frantically looking for an exit before more guards arrived, I found the doors jammed shut, and turned back to find Hawkana’s wounds healing and her getting to her feet. Defeating her once again was easier, and I removed the magical ring she was wearing and in a fit of madness put it on my own finger. Luckily it turned out that no gods were offended by this, and some of my wounds were healed. Trying the doors again, they opened and I found the thieves waiting for me on the other side. As we made our escape, the predictable betrayal arrived in the form of a clumsy knife thrust from the thief named Bloodheart. I used him as a human shield as crossbow bolts peppered the air around us, then shook my fist at the other thieves until they turned tail and ran for it. All in all, a successful night’s work.

Unfortunately for me, the thieves had already gone crying to their friend Tyutchev, who appeared in the street ahead of me with his companion Cassandra and the weird magician chap from earlier. Demanding the Talisman, they summoned a troll-like creature with a huge hammer, which lumbered towards me intimidatingly. However as I knew the magician to be an illusionist, I ignored the creature as it struck me and it faded into nothing. Then a ball of fire was heading my way, and literally scarred by my recent experiences with fire I dodged it by running directly at Tyutchev, catching him off guard and managing to wound him. He then turned invisible and Cassandra decided to join in, which made things rather unfair. Desperate, I called on the All-Mother as explained to me earlier, and a giant eagle swooped in and carried me away in its claws. A voice in my head told me that the mountain I sought was over there in the distance, then the eagle got tired and put me down in another part of town. A shame the eagle was so unfit – it could have carried the One Ring, er,  Talisman to the portal by itself. But that would be too easy.

Looking for a way out of the city, I soon found my path blocked by a monk with a praying mantis tattooed on his head. Thinking that this was way cooler than, say, a unicorn tattoo, I asked him to move out of my way politely, then less politely when he failed to respond. Things got ugly, but not for long, as a well-placed foot to my jaw knocked me unconscious. I awakened to find the monk had robbed me of the now-useless ring I found on Hawkana’s finger, but my gold, provisions, ruby and ring of hit-things-better were still on my person. Weird.

Finding my way to the graveyard I had a brief altercation with one of the restless denizens, before finding the gate leading out of the city. Heading towards the hills I was soon attacked by a large griffin which knocked me to the ground and took advantage of my predicament by impaling itself on my sword repeatedly. Eventually it gave up the fight and we had a nice chat. It offered to carry me wherever I liked, so I hopped on its back and we headed towards the mountain. Musing on how this was far too good to be true, I was unsurprised when a Pteranodon slammed into us and knocked me off my mount (OK, I was slightly surprised it was a pterosaur and not, say, an electrical storm or a flock of angry pigeons). Luckily I landed on a giant fern and was able to handily defeat the creature as it swooped down in an attempt to finish me off. Wondering where the griffin had got to, I struggled through the oversized undergrowth and was soon accosted by a flipping triceratops. After a few rounds of combat, things escalated even further when none other than a Tyrannosaurus lumbered out of the undergrowth. Realising that I had gotten myself into the path of a fleeing Triceratops, I slipped away while a titanic battle ensued between the dinosaurs, a loud crash indicating the Tyrannosaurus’s defeat.

Arriving at the side of Mount Star-reach I began the arduous climb towards my goal. After a while I came to a tunnel in the mountainside, which for some reason I decided to investigate, because messing about in tunnels is a great idea when half the world is trying to prevent you from fulfilling your quest. Inside I eventually came face to sleeping face with a dragon, slumbering on a huge pile of treasure. Given the option to back away and continue my quest rather than the incredibly foolish-sounding options of attacking the dragon, creeping towards the dragon or stealing his prized treasure, I made my outside and continued my climb. Eventually I arrived at the peak and saw the portal back to Earth hanging in the air. Delighted that my quest was over, I ran towards it, only to be confronted by the dragon I ignored earlier. Almost reluctantly, he announced that he was unable to allow me to pass through the portal for some reason, and burned me to a cinder. Oh.

Luckily, this was a world of second chances, and as my spirit floated through the Valley of Death, it met the people who originally summoned me here in the first place. They offered to send me back, which I thought sounded like a great offer, until I materialised back outside the city of Greyguilds. Gah.

Taking a more direct route towards the mountain this time, I passed the rest of the day without incident. After the sun set, however, I was met by some kind of horse-riding ghost (well, a ghost-horse-riding ghost) who was really quite insistent that Death would come for what was his. I soon saw him off by waving my torch frantically at him, and the rest of the night passed with no further interruptions. The following night, however, saw him return with five of his ghostly friends. This time brandishing the Talisman and yelling at them seemed to do the trick. Worries that they might return with a whole army of Death-botherers didn’t last and I settled down to a restful sleep.

Arriving at a different side of the mountainside, I climbed up the giant steps carved into the rock, until, exhausted, I stopped for a rest by a waterfall. Checking behind it as any seasoned adventurer would do, I noticed a cave entrance, which I entered to find a door bearing the symbol of a dragon and a spear. Opening it and continuing onward, I found myself in a room with a circular pillar. Reading an inscription on its surface gave me a cryptic clue about a ‘first door’ and risking my life, which I didn’t have time to dwell on as the ceiling collapsed. Diving for safety I managed to avoid being crushed to death and continued down the passage, soon finding myself in another room with pillars, and some writing telling me that ‘only one can be read’. Foolishly reading the circular pillar, I shouldn’t have been surprised to find exactly the same clue I had read earlier, before the other pillars disappeared into nothingness. Curses. The next room contained a bizarre statue of some kind of serpent-wolf god named Damolh, and four doors, each displaying a different symbol: a serpent, a monkey, a beetle and a dragon. Reasoning that the door I entered these caves through had shown a dragon and a spear, I entered the dragon room and found myself trapped as a portcullis dropped behind me. Having flashbacks to previous adventures and with little else to do, I opened a nearby sarcophagus which contained some mummified remains. Grabbing the spear from its dead hands, I discovered that they weren’t entirely dead, and was forced to fight the mummy with my newfound weapon, which proved most helpful. Then I found a secret tunnel under the sarcophagus which led me back outside, further up the mountain. Result!

Dodging some falling rocks, I eventually arrived at a plateau and sat down for a rest. Then a group of ‘Hogmen’ burst out of the undergrowth before me and grunted at me a bit. Barely able to stand, I offered them a shiny ruby to leave me alone, and they were so pleased that they invited me to their village. Wary of offending them, I agreed and went along with them to their village where I met their chief, who gave me some very useful advice about defeating the red dragon which guards the portal – that being to fashion a shield from the dragon’s very own scales. Easy then.

Soon I arrived at the dragon’s cave once again, and headed inside, this time taking the a side passage out of curiosity. Imagine my delight when the passage led directly behind the dragon, within reach of several of its scales! Grabbing three of them I crept back outside again, before fashioning a shield out of the scales using the gum the hog-chief had provided me with. Clambering once more to the very top of the mountain, I was greeted again by the red dragon, and attempted to strike up a conversation. The dragon tried to con me into leaving my weapons behind and walking through the portal, a ruse which was embarrassingly easy to see through. Combat was joined, and an epic confrontation it surely was, until suddenly the dragon turned into a wimpy old man and begged for his life, telling me that I had lifted his curse and he could now accompany me through the portal to Earth. Not a chance. As he was run through with my spear, he transformed back into the sneaky red dragon as he died. With that, the last obstacle to my quest was removed, and I walked through the portal, finding myself on Earth once again. Voices spoke to me, thanking me for my service, and suggesting that they might call on me again one day. Pick someone else next time, you lazy sods.

Conclusion: Success!

Number of combats: 18

Review

Writing: The plot here is somewhat interesting, with the hero being plucked from Earth and deposited in the strange world of Orb, having no idea what awaits. The reasoning for your summoning may be a bit thin but once you get going it’s a very enjoyable adventure. The section of the story that takes place in the city of Greyguilds is by far the most interesting, especially the interactions with the Thieves’ Guild and breaking into Hawkana’s temple. The tiger charm was a nice touch which hilariously causes a fight in the pub, as you’d expect, but doesn’t derail the story. I found the environments in the second half of the book a bit less interesting although the prehistoric-style jungle was fun to imagine. The trip to the mountain didn’t hold my interest as much as the first half of the book, however, and I think keeping the whole story in and around the city would have been more fun and allowed the authors to flesh out the city a bit more.

Writing: 3/5

Artwork: Pretty good, with some illustrations much better than others. The cover is dramatic if slightly unclear what is happening, while the interior drawings give a good impression of the weirdness of the world of Orb. I particularly like Bob Harvey’s representation of undead creatures, the envoy of death being a nice example.

Artwork: 4/5

Design: The journey around the city of Greyguilds in particular felt like a good example of a non-linear adventure where several paths can lead to success while others are doomed to failure. The way the city almost bullies the adventurer is fun (and reminiscent of City of Thieves) and for the most part common sense and caution are rewarded while poor decisions are punished. After the city you are presented with three routes to the final destination  - as I completed the book in one attempt I wasn’t able to explore all of them but it’s good to enhance replayability, presuming that victory is possible regardless of route.

The fact that you can die in many ways and be given a second chance (or third, or fourth…) is quite forgiving and lets you try again without making you start all over again, increasing the likelihood that a player will stick it out and finish the book. It’s odd that this only applies to deaths outside combat, which is still mostly as deadly as ever.

Design: 4/5

Fairness: The level of difficulty in this book is reasonably high but rather than this being due to a shopping list of items or 50/50 instant death decisions, it’s mostly down to the number of combats in the book, in particular a couple of SKILL 12 encounters – however both of these encounters can be made easier if you make the right decisions (although their SKILL stays the same). Many deaths are the result or a lack of common sense (trusting the wrong people for instance) and even when you get it wrong you are usually presented with another chance.

Fairness: 3/5

Cheating index: 0 Razaaks

Average enemy stats

Successful path: 19 enemies, SKILL 8.1, STAMINA 10.6

Entire book: 63 enemies, SKILL 8.2, STAMINA 10.0

Instant death paragraphs: 11

Any player can win no matter how weak initial dice rolls: A low skill will probably see you worn down throughout the book such that you’d be unlikely to survive the big combats, even if you rule that SKILL bonuses from weapons and armour add to your attack strength. Therefore I’d say this is a LIE.

Final thoughts: An enjoyable story which gives you a fair chance at succeeding without multiple playthroughs as long as you have half decent stats. The world of Orb seems both interesting in places and bland in others, and something about the experience is lacking in that even though it’s better than many previous books in many ways, this one doesn’t seem as memorable for some reason. Nevertheless this is a very well written and strong entry in the series.

Final score: 7/10