Fighting Fantasy #10 - House of Hell

Title: House of Hell

Author: Steve Jackson

Illustrators: Ian Miller (cover), Tim Sell (interior)

Published: 1984

Level of previous knowledge: Extremely creepy, virtually no chance of survival, don’t go near the kitchen, demon thing. That’s about it. It’s going to be a rough ride.

Plot summary: A hapless wanderer, I’ve wandered haplessly out of the storm into a house that is not all it seems. Will I survive the night or perish at the hands/claws/hurtful insults of the horrors within?

Rules: This book introduces the FEAR score, an indicator of how close one is to being literally frightened to death. There is no mention of provisions or potions with which to restore stats, and you start this book with a -3 penalty of SKILL on account of being unarmed. Nothing to worry about then.

Adventure Log

Attempt #1

Stats rolled: SKILL 7 (4), STAMINA 16, LUCK 8, FEAR 8

Nothing to worry about at all.

Having driven my car into a ditch on a stormy night, I found myself dripping all over the porch of someone’s rather run-down detached property (by detached I mean, by several miles), wondering if they would be kind enough to let me use their phone. Which the introduction told me they don’t have. Hmmm. Deciding that creeping around outside the house at midnight wasn’t the best way to get on the owner’s good side, I rapped the knocker politely. The door was opened by a grumpy butler who invited me in and informed me that the Master was expecting my arrival. All perfectly normal.

Told to wait in a finely decorated reception hall, I soon got bored and decided to wander about looking at the paintings, disrespectfully walking mud all over the floors. Oops. My eye was drawn to the portrait of a young lady, which then whispered to me that the house was cursed, not to drink the white wine, and I should probably run for it before my inevitable death. Nothing unusual here. Still mostly unconcerned, I thought I’d just check outside to see what the weather was doing. I wasn’t trying to escape or anything, but the door security system had kicked in and I got myself slightly electrocuted when trying to open it. Silly me.

Immediately afterwards, the Master himself arrived, and put me at ease, apparently not noticing my frazzled state. The butler returned with brandy which I drank on the basis that it couldn’t be as bad as the white wine. Finding this all rather relaxing, I kicked back and warmed my feet by the fire while the Earl of Drumer prattled on about the storm and how I could stay over and watch Netflix all night. Then it was dinner time, for which I selected a main course of lamb with a glass of red wine (seriously, what kind of monster would pair white wine with lamb anyway? Oh, and something about  possible death). Not wondering in the slightest about why the Earl had waited until midnight to eat his own dinner, we had a nice chat about his family and how everyone thought they were a bunch of evil freaks but they were perfectly nice really, before it was time for the next course. Unable to avoid a choice including coffee (I guessed it would keep me awake for the Netflix binge-athon I had planned), I opted to have some fruit and more brandy, before being shown upstairs to my room, impressed with the level of service I’d received thus far.

Climbing into bed, I drifted off into a disturbed sleep, eventually waking in a cold sweat to find that someone had kindly left me a nightcap (a drink, not headwear). It didn’t smell like Chardonnay, so I downed it in one and settled back down to sleep. Just before unconsciousness took me I realised that the room was spinning more than usual and my drink had been spiked. Grrrr, that’s a star off their Trip Advisor review!

Awaking once more, I found my hands and feet were tied together. Reflecting that there must have been a grave miscommunication with the housekeeping staff as to the manner of my stay, I hopped over to the window, smashed it, and severed my bonds on the jagged glass, as well as a few of my veins. Emerging from the room, I found myself on a first floor landing, and wandered along to the corner where two doors awaited. Choosing the Balthus room, I entered to find the décor was extremely dire (heh, heh). The sight of bulging curtains was extremely tempting but given the nature of the book I assumed that looking behind anything was a good way to accumulate FEAR points, and therefore opted to investigate the wooden box on the mantelpiece. As I approached it, however, the curtains rustled alarmingly. For some reason I chose to walk right over to them rather than doing something sensible (running for my life came to mind), and was rewarded for my curiosity with a powerful blow to the chest and a meeting with the rustler, a rather unfriendly fellow guest who appeared to be a zombie. Oh, and 2 FEAR points. Barely surviving the ensuing combat (presumably my first ever combat) I bled all over the wooden box while opening it to find a key. Wondering what it was for, I tried it in the door I’d just arrived through and it unlocked – which was somewhat of a surprise because I wasn’t aware it had locked itself.

In a rather grumpy mood, I opened the unmarked door nearby to enter another passage, I encountered a door to the Diabolus room. Thinking that it sounded rather lovely, I entered and closed the door behind me, clearly not learning anything from the previous room. Taking a quick rest, I was soon greeted by another of the house’s other guests, a bloody headless ghost who gave me 4 FEAR points by proclaiming my inevitable doom and generally being terrifying and making an awful mess.

Slightly overwrought by this point, I decided that investigating curtains was now an entirely logical thing to do and drew back the pair covering a window in the hallway. My anticipated doom was postponed when nothing relatively terrifying happened, and all I saw was a strange message written in condensation on the window – “Mordana in Abaddon”. Making a note to myself that this might be useful if I lived longer than a further five minutes, I headed back to the landing and moved onwards.

Unsure if I’d get another chance to explore up here, I ignored the main stairs down and entered another unmarked door. Behind was a store room, where I found a knife I could use in combat, and some garlic which I shoved into my pocket in case I was asked to help out in the kitchen later (maybe while still alive). Ignoring the opportunity to drink a ‘white liquid’ (not appetizing at all) I went through another door into another passage containing another door and another door. Entering the Shaitan room, I found myself in an elegant bedroom. Closing the door behind me again (duh) I heard a soft click which no doubt indicated I was once again locked in. Then an amused, disembodied voice taunted me, which was a bit scary, but luckily it wasn’t disembodied at all and turned out to be the voice of a vampire, who hypnotized me with his gaze and sank his fangs into my neck.

Conclusion: Failure. But at least I wasn’t scared to death…

Number of combats: 1

Attempt #2

Stats rolled: SKILL 10 (7), STAMINA 17, LUCK 10, FEAR 11

Waiting for my host to arrive in the reception hall again, I decided this time to peruse a painting of a posh-looking fellow in glasses. His eyes started moving, but I wasn’t scared because I totally expected it. He seemed to be trying to draw my attention to one of the doors down the hall, so I wandered over and tried the handle. Bzzzzt! Either the door was the front door again (a bit misleading, old chap!) or the security system applied to every door in the building, in which case I had better head to the kitchen and find some rubber gloves.

Sticking to the menu options which allowed me to survive dinner last time, I was shown to my room once more. Opting for a short nap, when I awoke I ignored the drugged nightcap and took the only other option, which for some reason was to batter down the door to the room. This didn’t work out very well, and while I rubbed my shoulder in consternation I heard footsteps approaching. Unsurprised that my host should investigate guest violence, I sprang back in bed and pretended to be asleep. A fellow with a distinct hunch in his back entered (there must be a word to describe him…) and left me another drink (apparently in case the first didn’t do the job) and turned to leave. Then I made my move, leaping out of the bed to attack him, before remembering I was unarmed and this wasn’t necessarily the best idea I’d ever had. Overpowering and interrogating him, I demanded he tell me how to escape the house, and he told me to use the front door. Duh. I then proceeded to wander across to the stairs in some kind of idiotic daze while the hunch-backed fellow disappeared somewhere before I realised how foolish that was. Hmmm.

Deciding to avoid going in the direction my devious hosts would want me to go, I entered an unmarked door to find myself in a familiar store room. Grabbing the knife and some garlic, I continued into another passage where I found the door to the vampire’s room, and another one called ‘Mammon’. Deciding to try the latter, I entered an unremarkable room and had a bit of a root about. Unfortunately the poltergeist within made it clear that my intrusion was unwelcome, and rewarded me by dropping a vase on my head, and then pulling the old ‘moving the bed out of the way’ trick. The chair careering across the room at me was the last straw, so I ran for it, 3 FEAR points worse off than before.

Deciding that a vampire was at least visible and less likely to throw furniture at me, I entered his room once more, fancying a bit of revenge. Attacking him with a fearsome clove of garlic, I was able to escape into a secret passage in the back of his cupboard, which didn’t seem like a particularly good idea, but panic makes for poor decisions. A narrow passageway headed to some stairs which I descended cautiously, wondering if the vampire was aware of the secret passage at all, and somehow missed me diving into it. Coming to a landing, I opened another door into a room with an odd curtain of hazy sparkliness, which I naturally poked at with my finger. Meeting no resistance, I decided to poke my entire head through, because nothing could possibly go wrong there, to find my head emerging through a mirror into another room. Initially thinking better of it, I tried the door to one side but was unable to unlock it, so shrugged and wandered heedlessly through the curtain.

Opening a door to leave the room, I entered a passageway and went around a corner, having absolutely no idea where I was by this point. Opening another door, I found myself in an immaculate kitchen. Ignoring the alarm bells in my mind, I had a quick look around for rubber gloves but was unable to find any. Opening the pantry door, I was greeted by an unpleasant rotting fellow who could only communicate by hissing and clawing at my eyes. Managing to dispatch him without taking more than a single wound, my self-congratulation was interrupted somewhat by the clattering of pots and pans as the creature collapsed them. Grimacing, I didn’t have to wait long for the Master’s friends to show up, an odd bunch with some kind of goat fetish. Apparently resistance would be foolish, so I sensibly allowed myself to be put into a prison cell with no hope of ever escaping. Boo.

Conclusion: Failure.

Number of combats: 2

Attempt #3

Stats rolled: SKILL 9 (6), STAMINA 16, LUCK 7, FEAR 7

Taking the same actions as my previous self, except for this time having a chat with a painting of an old woman who informed me that I should look for a potential ally in a grey robe, I found myself once again attacking the hunchback, who after giving me the battering of a lifetime, told me that there was some kind of special occasion tonight and a man in grey was going to be punished, and he could be found in the Asmodeus room. Noting this potentially useful information, I locked the giggling wretch in the room and stepped out on to the landing.

Turning in the opposite direction to last time, I was accosted by a young woman in a bridal dress who was a bit more transparent than the average person. We had a nice chat where she told me that all sorts of horrible things were going to happen tonight, and I was likely to be a demonic sacrifice, so I should find something called the Kris knife. She was just about to tell me where to find it when she was attacked and vanquished by some ghostly dogs, and I was alone once more, to consider my options.

Heading back down the corridor I entered some kind of laboratory where I proceeded to root around for anything useful, finding a letter opener I could use as a weapon in combat. Given my pitiful remaining health I wanted to continue my search (hopefully finding some kind of potion of healing-not-poison-for-a-change) but was interrupted by voices outside. Waiting for the noise to subside, I crept from the room and moved on into familiar territory. Checking the window to read about Mordana again, I ignored an array of other rooms which I knew contained nothing of use and headed for the storeroom to find another weapon and some garlic.

This time deciding to avoid the vampire’s room altogether, I headed back out on to the landing. Trying the next door, I met an old man who immediately lurched towards me for a hug, and I obliged him. The realisation that he wasn’t breathing eventually sunk in, however, so I panicked and ran off down the landing like a lunatic, leaving the body in the middle of the floor. Subtle. Turning left down a side passage, I found a door to the Asmodeus room. Excited that my potential ally could be inside, I entered, only to find myself attacked by the man within. Managing to avoid fatal injury, I managed to persuade him that I meant no harm and asked him how to defeat the Master. He told me about the Kris knife which was the Master’s only weakness, and how it was hidden in a secret room downstairs somewhere, with a password only known to Mordana, who was unfortunately dead, but around here that wasn’t necessarily a barrier to communication. Marvelling at the arrogance of evil villains who insist on keeping the weapons that were their greatest weakness nearby, I waited for the man to leave and then inspected a heavy crate. This contained a tasty-looking goat carcass, which unfortunately was decapitated and therefore quite terrifying. On the edge of losing my sanity, I headed back out to the passage.

The door opposite opened into a simple bedroom, which I inspected thoroughly (and extremely carefully, in case I saw a spider that would tip me over the edge). Finding nothing of interest, I turned to leave but was alarmed to hear footsteps approaching outside, Ready to ambush the visitor (well, I only lost 10 STAMINA points the last time I ambushed someone) I was disappointed when the footsteps receded once more into the distance. Despite being extremely tired (you know,, almost dead) I opted not to sleep in the bed and crept back outside. Moving on to the next bedroom, I again opted to avoid the bed and instead peered out of the barred window. I was greeted by the sight of an old man hanging from a tree by his neck, which I thought was rather decorative in a Halloween kind of way, but was unfortunately scary enough that my heart stopped right there and then. Maybe I should have had a nap after all.

Conclusion: Failure.

Number of combats: 2

Attempt #4

Stats rolled: SKILL 12 (9), STAMINA 17, LUCK 10, FEAR 7

With another low FEAR threshold, I decided that the best approach would be to avoid everything non-essential which gave me FEAR points last time, so I walked around the landing, only popping to the window with the writing on and the store room to grab the knife along the way. I even avoided my ‘ally’ in grey because he was a bit scary and didn’t really give me any vital information. Further around the landing, I was excited to find the Abaddon room, and entered cautiously. Inside I found an old woman sleeping in her bed. Fearful that the bed might decide to eat her or something, I poked her awake, only to find out she was dead, which was a bit of a shock (2 FEAR points’ worth). Then her eyes flicked open, which wasn’t scary at all. After a frankly justified rant about strangers poking around in her bedchamber, she set her dogs on me, which I reluctantly (ish) put down before threatening the herb garden on her windowsill. She agreed to answer a question if I could say her name, which I fortunately knew because someone had randomly graffitied it on a window on the other side of the house. I asked her about the potential secret doors downstairs that the man in grey mentioned in a previous life and I finally received some useful information about how to find the one leading to the Master’s secret sanctum. I left her to moan in peace and went back out on to the landing, where I was denied the opportunity to check the other nearby doors and went straight down the main stairs.

Choosing a direction at random, I entered a cosy room with chairs arranged around a recently-extinguished fireplace. Finding an inferior dagger, I turned my attention to the mantelpiece where a strange clock caught my eye (and my sleeve) and while I faffed about with it I failed to notice the fire sprites forming in the fireplace. Backing away desperately, I conceived a cunning plan which involved tossing the contents of a large plant pot over them, and marvelling at my own strength, I was successful in dousing both of the creatures. Back at the mantelpiece I discovered a suspicious button which I didn’t trust at all, suspecting a one-way trip to the cellar or worse.

Going through another door I found myself in a study, where a piece of paper was writing on itself, which was a bit disconcerting. The words ‘Find Shekou’ appeared, and after a moment’s thought I remembered that my previous self had discovered that this was the hunchback’s name (but only as he guided me unhelpfully past the ‘Mordana’ window and straight to the stairs). Wondering if I should head back to the room I locked him in, I had a look through some of the books on the shelf. Given a choice between black magic and hypnotism, I chose the former in case the other took things a bit too literally. Inside I found a pentacle purported to have powers over some demon worshippers, which I felt might be handy at some point. Rejecting the opportunity to root around further, as this room had already provided useful things and I didn’t want to push my luck, I left the study and tried another door. Hearing voices, I became spooked and ran for the door opposite instead.

Finding myself at a flight of stairs heading down into the cellar, I descended carefully but was soon attacked by a cloud of bats. Hiding under the stairs, I realised I was in the place where the secret door should be, and fumbled about with the wall for a while. Given a choice of passwords (and trying to roleplay slightly by ignoring the option I’d never heard of) I had a guess, and was surprised when the door opened, to reveal a small room containing a promising-looking box. Entering fearfully, I opened the box to discover none other than the Kris knife I needed to defeat the Master! Pleased with my discovery, I again rejected the idea of searching around further and backed out of the room.

Heading back up the stairs to the ground floor, I opened another door into a reception room adorned with murals and a huge floor-to-ceiling mirror. Peering at the mirror, I freaked out when I noticed I had no reflection, and briefly wondered if I was actually a continuation of the previous self who had an intimate encounter with the vampire. Closer inspection revealed that I could pass entirely through the mirror if I wished to. A quick look around drew my attention to a secret compartment in a table, inside which was a leather box. As I grabbed it, I heard voices approaching, and facing a decision between facing crazy people with evidence of theft in my hands and diving through a possibly inter-dimensional mirror, I chose the latter.

Somewhat disappointed to find myself in a tiny, boring room, I tried one of the doors which I successfully unlocked with the contents of the leather box, a shiny golden key. Entering the room beyond, I followed some dusty footprints to discover another key, this one made of iron, hidden carefully in the wall. Thinking that I must be on the right track, I opened the other door to find myself on a landing with stairs coming from above and heading below. Denied the opportunity to search upwards (and having a sneaking suspicion about where it might lead anyway) I headed downwards but clumsily slipped in the darkness and tumbled all the way to the bottom. Ouch.

Wandering down a dark tunnel, I came to a large room where forty or so nutcases wearing goat-head masks were gathered around a fire, preparing for the sacrifice of a young woman. Wondering what they did with the rest of the goats (I didn’t see any on the menu earlier), I considered my options. Direct confrontation seemed foolish (scuse me, I forgot my mask but I heard the sacrifice had been moved to Tuesday, didn’t you get the email?), so I sneaked around the wall in search of an escape route. I was spotted but the power of my pentacle kept the freaks at bay until I exited via the side passage, leaving them to their depravity.

Feeling distinctly unheroic, I entered a small passageway with two doors leading from it. Opening one, I met an odd chap called Rafferty, who was clearly terrified of me. I allowed him to blather before giving anything away and was about to tell him to calm down when he produced a knife and stabbed himself in the stomach. Oh well. Finding nothing else of interest in the room, I opened the door opposite to find myself set upon by several more dogs. Finishing them all off, I drank from their water jug but again found nothing else of interest. Back out in the passageway I could find no way out, so sensibly pressed a button described as a bell push, and was only slightly surprised that this resulted in a bell going off. Soon after I would be captured by the evil servants of the Master and there would be no escape.

Conclusion: Failure.

Number of combats: 4

Attempt #5

Stats rolled: SKILL 9 (6), STAMINA 16, LUCK 8, FEAR 12

Following the same route as last time up to the room with the mirror, this time I avoided going down the dark stairs to the basement and went back out into the ground floor hallway. Spotting a familiar door leading to the kitchen, I took the door on he opposite side, which I unlocked with the iron key I’d found in the wall and opened, to find myself in the dining room once more. Checking for traps revealed nothing, so I rang for the butler and waited, intending to fool him by asking for a midnight snack or something. Instead I found myself asking him to fetch the Earl, and when he angrily arrived I just blurted out that I knew they were nasty scallywags and I was going to do something about it. I’m not sure what I expected to happen next, but they nodded to each other and came at me, threatening violence - how uncouth! Going for the more fragile-looking butler first, I managed to land a hit before he screamed loudly, literally melted before my eyes and turned into what I could only describe as an oversized demon-goat (or perhaps goat-demon would do it better justice). Restarting my heart, I dashed heroically into combat and despite my years of not training at all, managed to defeat the creature with barely a scratch to show for it. As it crashed to the ground, it knocked a load of candles on to the floor and set fire to the house, which in any good story is a sign of victory. Leaving the sobbing Earl to hug the hopefully dying beast (I’m not sure the fire would finish the job), I ran out of the house back into the creepy woods where I realised I had my mobile phone in my pocket the whole time. Silly me!

Conclusion: Success!

Number of combats: 4

Review

Writing: Steve Jackson does a great job of making this book as creepy as possible with some of the best writing in the FF series so far. Descriptions are for the most part well fleshed out and many situations are genuinely quite scary (especially when I read this as a child!) Although I often dislike the practice of telling the reader what they are thinking, it somehow works in this book to create a sense of paranoia and a feeling that you’re not entirely in control of your emotions throughout, which plays into the FEAR score. The overall plot is fun but does feel like a bit of a missed opportunity – there are lots of isolated encounters in this book with nothing to weave them together, and given that they are all in the same house I feel that more could have been done with this.

Writing: 4/5

Artwork: I really enjoyed the drawings in this one – they complement the creepy nature of the book well and add a lot to the atmosphere. I’m particularly a fan of the depiction of the zombie behind the bulging curtain…

Artwork: 4/5

Design: Describing a journey around a maze-like house full of secret passages designed to ensnare the unprepared is always going to be challenging and there are several occasions where it’s extremely unclear which direction is being referred to, or whether you’re going back the way you came, if you’ve been here before, etc. Often there are occasions where for no apparent reason you are not given the option to open a door which was right there a minute earlier, or explore a passage in one direction because the story is trying to push you onwards. And I don’t mind being moved on by the story, but I’d like it to be done more elegantly than being told that I randomly choose to ignore things, or just have them disappear as if they were never there at all.

The path to success is quite narrow with very little leeway, but I think my biggest problem with it is that the most interesting things happen when you do things that will cause you to lose. For instance most of the doors upstairs can be safely ignored and although you lose out on flavour information there is only one thing you need to do, which is to read the message on the window and then go all the way around to meet Mordana, missing a lot of potentially fun situations on the way. Downstairs is a maze, perhaps not by design but by the way directions are described, making it extremely easy to accidentally end up in an ‘all roads lead to the kitchen’ situation which is most irritating (all choices in the kitchen lead to death). On my successful playthrough I avoided the basement entirely except for getting the Kris knife from under the stairs, but there are a lot of fun encounters down there. Unfortunately all but a couple of them are on a path which ends in death regardless of your choices, which is a bit of a shame.

Finally I love the idea behind the FEAR mechanic but the problem is it actively discourages you from exploring, and once you know a bit more about the correct path you absolutely have to avoid a lot of fun encounters because they give no reward except a potential heart attack.

Design: 2/5

Fairness: I’m a bit torn here – on the one hand this book is pretty unforgiving with lots of ‘gotcha’ moments which can come out of nowhere, but on the other, that’s kind of the point of a horror-themed gamebook and I won’t mark it down too much for that. However the path to success is very narrow and not intuitive at all – there are many ways to end up in the basement but I believe to get the password to the secret room only one of them is ‘correct’ which involves falling through a trapdoor. I didn’t do this but luckily guessed the password correctly anyway, only working out the correct route by leafing through the book after winning. Also I can’t help but feel the player should be rewarded for doing things rather than not doing them!

In terms of numbers, there are very few combats involved on the way to victory but the main issue is the FEAR score – I believe there are 8 mandatory FEAR points on the path and I didn’t come across any ways to reduce it so I believe a FEAR score of 9+ is mandatory.

Fairness: 3/5

Cheating index: I may have cheated a teensy-weensy bit once when I was again redirected to the kitchen while exploring the ground floor. 1 Razaak

Average enemy stats

Successful path: 5 encounters, SKILL 8.4, STAMINA 8.2

Entire book: 31 encounters, SKILL 7.3, STAMINA 6.8

Instant death paragraphs: 20

Any player can win no matter how weak initial dice rolls: I’m pretty sure this is a LIE based on the FEAR score required to succeed but I’m happy to be proven wrong…

Final thoughts: Despite its design flaws I really enjoyed my terrifying adventure in the House of Hell. This was the first Fighting Fantasy book I ever played and may be subject to some bias but it’s a strong entry in the series and should be praised for doing things a bit differently. With some tweaks to the design it could have been something amazing.

Final score: 7/10

Fighting Fantasy #9 - Caverns of the Snow Witch

Title: Caverns of the Snow Witch

Author: Ian Livingstone

Illustrators: Les Edwards (cover), Gary Ward and Edward Crosby (internal)

Published: 1984

Level of previous knowledge: I remember the storyline very well – man inherits quest to defeat Snow Witch, man defeats Snow Witch, man spends rest of book trying to survive consequences of defeating Snow Witch. The details of how any of that is achieved escape me at present, although the high difficulty level is less easy to forget.

Plot summary: Oh right, well, see above. At the start of the book, however, I am a mere caravan guard who has just volunteered to hunt down whatever ferocious beast slaughtered everyone at a trading outpost in the mountains. Little do I know how the nature of my quest would soon change…

Rules: Standard rules, ten provisions, choice of potion. The Adventure Sheet has a space for Jewels, which I feel is hopelessly optimistic.

Adventure Log:

Attempt #1

Stats rolled: SKILL 7, STAMINA 15, LUCK 10

Potion: STAMINA

I suspect my first trip into the frozen wilds of the Icefinger Mountains will be extremely short and violent…

Beginning my hunt, I head back to the outpost where the traders were brutally slaughtered in the hopes of finding tracks to follow. Unfortunately they’d long since been covered by the heavy snow so in absence of a better idea, I decided to wander up into the mountains with the visibility at near zero. My high SKILL score would get me through, right?

Eschewing the tempting opportunity to cross an ice bridge across a crevasse with a SKILL score of 7 (did I mention the visibility?) I chose to walk around instead. Before long I was set upon by a friendly mammoth which, in an attempt to nuzzle me gently, accidentally tore me limb from limb and left my crushed remains to be buried by the snow.

Conclusion: Failure. Obviously.

Number of combats: 1

Attempt #2

Stats rolled: SKILL 12, STAMINA 15, LUCK 7

Potion: LUCK

My high SKILL score will get me through, right?

Right. Following my own footprints, I headed up into the mountains once more. Feeling better about the ice bridge this time, I stepped gingerly on to the slippery surface and was asked to make a LUCK test. Oh crap. LUCKily I managed to avoid falling to another premature death and made it to the other side. Could I go home now?

Pushing on through the howling wind, I soon encountered two friendly wolves who attempted to eat my face. Unfortunately for them, they had encountered a more skilled incarnation of this caravan guard, and were dispatched quickly. Assuming these were not the creatures I was looking for, I continued my climb. However, the incline increasing and the pleasantness of the weather decreasing, I began to struggle to make progress. Stubbornly pushing on, I was prompted a second time that maybe it would be a good idea to take shelter, so I took the hint and built myself a lovely igloo. Settling in my new home, I ate a luxurious meal and nothing tried to eat me for an hour or so. Good times.

Emerging after the blizzard abated, I continued on until I arrived at a wooden hut. Wondering if our vicious beastie was more civilised than I gave him credit for, I braced myself and entered. Finding little more than the trappings of a trapper, I was briefly disappointed until I spotted a pan of stew. Helping myself (it would be a shame if someone came home to find themselves the victim of a stew theft, but I had a sneaking feeling it wouldn’t be an issue), I had a nice rest before leaving the hut behind, grabbing a couple of weapons on the way out.

Feeling better prepared, I continued on my way, eventually hearing the cry of a stew theft victim being eaten by a yeti (I had a keen ear). Having found the object of my quest, I charged into battle, chucking a spear as I did so (oh yes, spear theft too – well he should have brought it with him, shouldn’t he?). Despatching my opponent with ease, I turned my attention to the injured fur trapper. It was too late to save him, but with his extremely long dying breath he told me a story about the evil Snow Witch, living in a cave up in the mountains, plotting to rule over mankind by bringing on an eternal ice age. Riveting stuff, but he died before telling me about the hero who slew her and saved the world. Anyway, I had to go back to my employer and collect my pay for a job well done. Then I lost control of my body entirely, and went in the opposite direction looking for a fictional witch instead of you know, keeping my job.

A sudden improvement in the weather put a pep in my step as I began my search for the Crystal Caves. I was soon brought to a halt by the rumbling sound of an oncoming avalanche, but I barely made it to a sheltering outcrop just in time as the snow and rocks cascaded around me.

Eventually I discovered the entry to the caves, a massive illusory wall of ice which gave no resistance as I passed through into a long tunnel. Turning at a junction, I arrived in a cavern containing nothing but a bowl of yellow liquid, complete with wooden ladle, resting on an ice plinth. Briefly wondering if this was where yellow snow came from, I decided to sip the liquid, assuming that it was unlikely to be poisonous given that they didn’t really expect any uninvited visitors here. It turned out to be some kind of healing potion, and I strolled back out of the cavern with a warming glow.

Further down the tunnel I came across one of the Snow Witch’s followers, a tall hooded mountain elf. Inwardly panicking, I attempted to nod my way past him, but he noticed that I wasn’t wearing an ‘obedience collar’ (I assumed due to some kind of X-ray vision allowing him to see through multiple layers of clothing and furs) and questioned me about it. Given the option to pretend I was having my collar widened due to weight gain, I decided the safest thing to do was to murder the poor chap in cold blood, so I did. As he died, the collar he was wearing stopped glowing, leaving me to wonder if this incident had not gone unnoticed.

At another junction I prudently turned in the direction away from the sounds of running and I was soon rewarded for this sensible course of action when the floor collapsed beneath me and I fell into a pit trap. Oof. I guess they were prepared for uninvited visitors after all, although how they managed to prevent the more stupid of the Snow Witch’s followers from blundering into this trap time and time again was a mystery. Two goblins then arrived and peered down at me, perhaps wondering if I was one of those stupid followers or an intruder. Deciding on the latter, they demanded that I throw away my sword and climb the rope they provided. Quickly guzzling my LUCK potion then giving the rope a firm tug had the pleasing result of both greenskins falling headlong into the pit, a trip which neither survived (one of them took a little persuasion). I looted what I could from their corpses and clambered out of the pit, continuing down the tunnel to find out what the pit trap was protecting.

Arriving at a circular cave containing a frozen orc and two pools in the ground, from each of which protruded a weapon, I read a carving in the ice which made it obvious which weapon was useful and which was not. Grabbing the weapon I was pleased to discover it added to my combat skill (using my rules this increases my attack strength regardless of initial SKILL, as it doesn’t make much sense otherwise) and rummaged through the orc’s backpack. Disappointed to find some mouldy bread, I declined the fungal snack and moved on.

This event was followed by an odd kind of dream sequence where I met a finely-clothed minstrel who played a song which healed my wounds. Having not eaten the mouldy bread I had no idea why my dreams were so vivid, and didn’t actually remember going to sleep, but when I awoke I was extremely refreshed, if somewhat baffled. Bewildered, I wandered straight into a chamber where some kind of congregation was going on, and straight out the other side before anyone noticed how my un-enslaved state. As I continued onward I heard cries for help and, feeling pretty darn heroic at the moment I headed in that direction to find a dwarf in a pit with onlookers chucking boulders at him. I helped him out by helping him out, and he gave me a sling and some drivel about a White Rat. Noticing the capital letters he used, I made a mental note to look out for it. Or away from it, or whatever.

I eventually emerged in a large cavern with a skull-shaped exit on the opposite side which was extremely foreboding and may as well have been adorned with a sign saying “Evil sorceress this way”. In front of this was some kind of elderly magician clutching a glass prism in his gnarled hands, who told me, in no uncertain terms, to bugger off. Lacking the item which would have provided the only other option, I decided that slaughtering the old man was the only course of action, and although he made this difficult by becoming three of himself, I managed to smash his prism which upset him rather a lot, and he ran off, presumably to ask the Snow Witch to get him another one. Avoiding the skull exit for now, I thought I’d check one of the side exits, assuming that I’d eventually come back here to progress. This proved emphatically to not be the case when an iron grille slammed down behind me as soon as I entered the tunnel. Perturbed, I continued along the tunnel and found my way blocked by another iron grille. More perturbed, I managed to throw a dagger accurately at the switch beyond which lifted the grille and allowed me to progress (the fact that for some reason this was a LUCK test and nothing to do with my SKILL meant that success was against the odds).

After a brief altercation with a crystal warrior which crumbled under the blows of my handy war hammer, I took another turning and arrived in a room with an open sarcophagus. A white rat jumped out of it and ran at me threateningly. Remembering the dwarf’s words I looked for the option to run for my life, but sadly this did not exist, and I was forced into combat with its final form, which was unfortunately that of a gigantic white dragon. In the ensuing melee I gave a good account of myself and had it on the ropes but before I could strike a killing blow its breath attack caught me off guard, and I became an extremely heroic-looking ice statue for the Snow Witch’s collection.

Conclusion: Failure.

Number of combats: 6

Attempt #3

Stats rolled: SKILL 10, STAMINA 22, LUCK 12

Potion: STAMINA

Hmmm. I might stand a chance with the high STAMINA, but I’d better steer clear of any rats just in case.

Taking the same linear route through the mountains, I fought my way past the wolves and had a rather more fraught encounter with the Yeti this time, but my sheer endurance pulled me through. Entering the Crystal Caves I took the same route until I bumped into the mountain elf once more. Feeling less murderous today, I persuaded him that I was here to join the Snow Witch’s followers and, after attempting to talk me out of it, he gave me directions which avoided the pit trap and allowed me to explore a new tunnel.

I soon came to a kitchen, manned by a gnome chef and his Neanderthal scullion. Quite fancying a bit of the moose that was being skinned within, I entered, only to be meekly waved away with a bit of stale cake for my troubles. The cake wasn’t bad, but that moose looked darn tasty. Not long after I arrived at the room of worship again and attempted to stroll through the service nonchalantly. Unfortunately this offended some of the more devout worshippers and I was forced to run for it, expertly dodging their whips and darts as I did so.

Back on a familiar track, I helped the dwarf out of his pit once more and eventually found myself back in the skull-exited room with the mad magician leering at me again like he didn’t know what was coming. Smashing his little toy, I took the opposite door to last time, lacking the dagger necessary to escape the iron grille trap within. My heart sank as yet another iron grille slammed down behind me, but was momentarily relieved when my passage further was barred not just by an iron grille, but am iron grille with a door in it. A locked door. Oh dear. Lacking any kind of key and no option to pick the lock with, I don’t know, a war hammer, I was forced to wait until someone found me and dragged me off to join the Snow Witch’s minions.

Conclusion: Failure. Maybe I should just get over my skulldooraphobia.

Number of combats: 2

Attempt #4

Stats rolled: SKILL 11, STAMINA 19, LUCK 9

Potion: LUCK

Taking the same route as last time, with a couple of exceptions – firstly I admitted to the mountain elf that I was going to kill his boss and he was delighted about that and gave me his cloak (I’m sure a lot of people can empathise), and when I arrived at the skull-framed door I bravely marched straight through, rather than risk getting trapped in the silly side passages again. On the other side, I met a big, friendly giant holding a treasure chest. Before I knew it my adventuring instincts kicked in and I’d fired a ball from my sling into the side of his head, before checking out the contents of the chest. Inside I found three rings. Knowing there was a good chance one of them would mean a painful death or worse, I decided that I would only try one of them on, and went for the least-valuable looking one in the hope it wasn’t a trap. Fortunately the ring told me it had the power to summon a warrior to my side, once and once only. How it relayed this information I can’t quite remember.

Leaving the chamber, I was soon back in a familiar tunnel where I was once again forced to smash a crystal warrior to pieces, this time taking quite a beating in the process. Copper ring, anyone? No? Hmph. Up ahead I turned away from the room where the white ratdragon resided and came to a closed door, behind which I could hear the sounds of shuffling feet. Unable to hear any dance music I assumed someone inside was incredibly shy or embarrassed, and knocked politely. The door was opened by a zombie who was perfectly friendly until he realised I probably had a brain, and became rather bad-mannered at that point. Chopping him into bits, I grabbed some miscellaneous junk from the storeroom and headed the only way I could go, which was unfortunately back the way I came.

Arriving once more at the sarcophagus, I sprinkled some recently-acquired ground minotaur horn on the transforming rat, and it scurried off into the shadows. Examining the sarcophagus I was shocked to discover it to be the resting place of the vampiric Snow Witch, who rose from her slumber and, only slightly perturbed by the garlic I brandished at her, proceeded to enslave me and drink my blood. If only I’d found a stick on my travels…

Conclusion: Failure.

Number of combats: 3

Attempt #5

Stats rolled: SKILL 7, STAMINA 17, LUCK 7

Yeah, right. Screw that.

 Stats rolled: SKILL 12, STAMINA 17, LUCK 12

That was the genuine second roll. Starting to earn Razaaks though…

Potion: STAMINA

So – bridge, wolves, yeti, cave, elf. Same as last time… until I arrived at the kitchen where the gnome and his Neanderthal friend were cooking up whatever vampiric sorceresses eat for dinner. On the lookout for any alternatives to my usual path, I refused the offer of cake and launched into an unprovoked attack on the startled pair,  slaughtering the dim-witted scullion and sending the chef running for his life. Pleased with my act of violence I searched through the cupboards, finding several items: a stick with runes carved on it (woohoo!), a self-tooting flute, and a rose. Taking the first two items and leaving the rose alone on the basis that one in three items is nearly always a trap, I moved on, feeling more confident about my chances against the Snow Witch.

Eventually finding myself once again in the room with the skull door and the leering idiot, this time I took the new option available to me, that of pretending that I was here to play a little ditty on my flute for the Snow Witch. In turn, he tried to fool me by sending me down a tunnel which I knew full well led to a locked door and likely entrapment. After that, events proceeded much as they did last time. I took an absolute battering from the crystal warrior this time, but hobbled onward, picking up the odd items from the kitchen on the way to the Snow Witch’s chamber.

This time I was in possession of both garlic and an appropriate weapon, and was therefore able to pierce the evil sorceress’s heart with the apparently very sharp stick. And that was that. Heading homeward, I went looking for Big Jim and the caravan in the hope that I hadn’t been fired yet. Oh. What do you mean, there’s more?

Falling for the old ‘golden idol transforms into treasure guardian’ trick, I gleefully looted the Snow Witch’s treasure trunk and found myself in combat once again with a massive armoured warrior. Slightly scathed and more than a little tired, I prevailed and helped myself to a pile of gold, being offered the chance to leave an item behind for every 50 gold I took. Now I wished I’d picked up more crap along the way. (A bit odd that an empty backpack would have enabled me to take zero gold!) Leaving behind what must have been a surprisingly large clove of garlic and the now tainted stick, I shoved 100 gold into my backpack, quickly interrupted by the arrival of a dwarf and an elf, who were delighted that I’d saved them from enslavement and offered to help me escape. Rather than go back through the tunnels which were apparently full of goblins (hello? SKILL 12 here) they took me onward, through more tunnels which they had never explored before. Yay. While Redswift the elf jabbered on about nothing in particular and the dwarf (Stubb) smiled a lot, we came across some kind of glass orb on the floor, containing a swirl of colours. At this point I just wanted to get out of here, so I took the elf’s advice and left it well alone.

Onward, and we soon came to a large casket on one side of the tunnel. Despite grave misgivings and the advice Redswift had given only minutes earlier, we decided it would be jolly good fun to mess around with it, and drew lots to find out who would open it. The elf drew the short straw, and fortunately so as his elven instincts alerted him to a hidden catch which he released, evading a potentially nasty trap and revealing the treasure within – a pair of magical boots. Less fortunately for me, when we drew lots to decide who would get to wear them, Stubb the dwarf won, and gleefully pranced about in his new silent footwear while we grumbled to ourselves.

Making a note to loot the dwarf’s corpse should anything happen to him in the near future (ahem), we soon encountered a cave man who took exception to our presence, so I sent my companions down the next tunnel while I stayed behind to beat him up. Finding an odd star-shaped disc on his person, I pocketed it and caught up with my friends to find they had made the acquaintance of a tentacled monstrosity called a Brain Slayer. Feeling somewhat obliging, I willingly gave up some of my brainpower in order that my friends might live. Or at least, I think I did. Nursing a very sore head (and a permanent -2 to my SKILL) I was unable to prevent the creature’s escape, and found my companions in a similar state to mine. Opening one of the pots in the room in search of paracetamol, I found a parchment which taught me a spell to protect against an air elemental. Useful. Specific, but useful. Another pot contained a square metal disc which I added to my toy collection.

Yet another tunnel ended at a wooden door in which was embedded a dagger. Thinking better of touching the weapon, we opened the door into another tunnel, where we sat down for a rest. Grudgingly giving away the remainder of my provisions, I  wondered how much further there was to travel. Further on, another door, this time with a parchment pinned to it. Redswift read the archaic script, and looked a bit terrified. Maybe it said “Any player, no matter how weak on initial dice rolls, should be able to get through fairly easily”. He then tore it to pieces and wouldn’t talk about it. I assumed we’d be fine then. Continuing down the next tunnel, I was unpleasantly surprised to find acid dripping on to me to the stalactites above, causing no little damage to my battered body.

Arriving in a larger cavern, we surprised an orc who had just entered from the other side. There was a glass globe on a plinth, which began to glow and coalesce into an image of the vile Snow Witch. She informed us that she could still defeat us, and proved it by using her spiritual powers to strangle the orc to death via his obedience collar. She then turned her attention to my companions, who were still wearing theirs. I fired a ball from my trusty sling, but this had no effect other than triggering a bolt of lightning that very nearly fried my face. She then began to strangle my companions while I hurled insults at her, eventually tapping into her ‘playful’ nature, which involved bringing in zombified versions of my friends for me to face in combat. Downing my potion of stamina before wading in, I defeated them with surprising ease. She then proposed a game of ‘Discs’ which was similar to Rock, Paper, Scissors and would use the discs I’d found on my travels. Only possessing two discs, I was concerned about my chances of winning, but I chose correctly and victory was mine. Apparently losing the game was more than the spirit of the Snow Witch could bear, and the globe shattered with her cry of defeat. Somehow evading death from the collapsing roof, we clambered out of the cavern and found ourselves outside. We had escaped!

Agreeing to accompany my friends to Stonebridge, we travelled for two days until we came to the river Kok, where we paid an indolent ferryman an exorbitant sum of money to take us across. Hiding from some passing centaurs, we soon came across an old man who charged us more money in exchange for the bad news that hill trolls were gathering near Stonebridge, and the nearby watering hole was poisoned. None of this mattered for long, however, as soon afterwards we were attacked by formidable bird-men who tore us limb from limb. Jeez.

Conclusion: Failure. This is really an epic journey. Even with great starting stats I ran out of juice before the end. All I can do is try again and hope to find something to stop the Brain Slayer slaying my brain, as the loss of 2 SKILL points really cost me.

Number of combats: 10

Attempt #6

Officially in cheat mode now. Rolling 4 dice and allocating as I see fit:

Stats rolled: SKILL 12, STAMINA 16, LUCK 11

Not quite as good as last time, but if I can avoid losing SKILL I might make it further. I’ll take a potion of SKILL this time just in case.

Imagine the same story as last time, except that I took a sneaky peek at another reference and realised that had I not been carrying the war hammer I could completely avoid the encounter with the crystal warrior. This seemed rather unfair so I threw away the war hammer as the warrior approached and used the genie instead, granting me invisibility and allowing me to sneak past.

Ultimately I defeated the physical version of the Snow Witch again, and continued into the tunnels with my new-found friends. Taking a slightly different route to last time, we came to an odd stretch of tunnel floor which was covered in black and white footprints. Choosing to walk on the white ones we were battered by gigantic hailstones coming from er, upwards. This soon abated and, continuing on, we came across a (now known to be useless) circular disc which I picked up.

Continuing on, we found ourselves in a familiar tunnel, eyeing up a familiar casket and drawing straws to determine who the sucker was. This time it was Stubb, and he got himself bitten by the snake hiding within. Rather than killing it and helping ourselves to the treasure, we apologised profusely and backed away from Mr Snake, continuing down the tunnel.

Once again lacking the necessary item, my brain was, alas, slain once again by the slayer of brains, the Brain Slayer. Downing my SKILL potion and muttering to myself, we continued on. Taking a different turn again, we found a shield which was protected by an air elemental – fortunately I had read the scroll which taught me the spell to shoo it away and took the shield without incident, noting with satisfaction the extra SKILL point it provided. The shield also provided convenient protection from the dripping acid in the next chamber.

Annoyingly the SKILL point gain was counterbalanced by the Snow Witch when my attempt to smash the globe with a slingshot resulted in being struck by lightning. Grrrr. Nevertheless I defeated her zombie minions and then won her game without problems, then escaped the caverns and began the journey towards Stonebridge.

Not feeling like paying the lazy boatman again, we walked down the riverbank until we came across another boat. Waiting for its owner to arrive rather than committing needless theft, we settled down for the night. Before long I was woken by the sound of Redswift summarily gutting a dark elf with his sword. Unsure as to what his victim had done to deserve such a fate, I gleefully looted the corpse and found some kind of green potion. Taking leave of my senses I drank deeply, happily discovering it was a potion of healing. Welcome back, SKILL point! Selfishly I finished the entire thing myself, giving no thought to my companions. Soon we cooked up a delicious stew, restoring yet more health and giving me some hope of surviving the rest of the adventure. Taking the boat (murder and theft is clearly more justifiable than just theft) we made our way to to the other side of the river and continued our journey.

Ignoring an old man offering old advice for gold, we were soon set upon by the bird-men once again. This time I was able to prevail over my freakish opponent, whose friends decided we were best left alone. As we continued on, I suddenly had the realisation that I was quite thirsty and didn’t have a water bottle. Unsure as to how I didn’t notice these crucial details earlier, we soon came to a watering hole, which we ignored based on advice from an earlier life. Luckily we soon came across the corpse of a dwarf from Stonebridge, which still had a full water bottle on it. Stubb was less pleased about this for some odd reason.

Stubb had his vengeance when we spotted some trolls approaching the town of Stonebridge on the following morning. Tempted to leave him to slaughter all six of them in his berserk rage, we decided to help him out nonetheless, and it turned out we were pretty good trollslayers. Still frothing at the mouth, Stubb headed straight for the town with us staggering behind. We met his friends who informed him that their previous hammer had been stolen and it was somewhere in Darkwood Forest. Stubb then told us we were no longer welcome to stay in Stonebridge for some reason, before heading off to the forest with his friend Bigleg who I failed to recognise on account of him missing a big hole in his stomach.

Heading off once again, we managed to avoid bumping into more trolls, but I was becoming quite concerned about my diminishing LUCK supply after all these tests. This was confirmed when Redswift breezily informed me that the scroll he read in the dungeon was actually a Death Spell and we were both doomed unless we could find a person called the Healer in the Moonstone hills. Annoyed that the Death Spell not only targeted the reader of the parchment but anyone unfortunate enough to be standing nearby at the time, I attempted to carry him onward, but he selfishly passed away before we got very far, forcing me to waste more time burying him. Weakening by the moment I decided to spend some more time investigating a tree stump, which happened to be full of flesh grubs. Avoiding any contact with them, I was informed that I wasn’t going to find the Healer in a tree stump. Thanks for the clue!

Arriving at a wooden hut I had my time further wasted by a herbalist who was not the Healer, and apparently didn’t think to ask him if he had any herbs that might be useful in my current condition. Oops. Things took a turn for the better later on when I bumped into an elf named Ash who happened to be the brother of the recently deceased Redswift. Agreeing to help me find the Healer, he led me to a dangerous-looking rope bridge. Unfortunately not given an option to avoid LUCK-based activity, we made our way carefully on to the bridge. Two LUCK tests later we had barely made It across, only to be attacked shortly after by a mercifully incompetent death hawk, which had an intimate meeting with one of Ash’s arrows at the second attempt.

Ash gave me directions to the Healer and left me to continue alone, and when I came to a wooden tree house I couldn’t resist the urge to drag my rapidly weakening self up the rope ladder to investigate. Within I was set upon by a man-orc but despite my condition I dispatched him easily. Stealing his stuff, I clambered back down and continued on my way, soon coming across a sleeping barbarian. Lacking any fancy boots which would help to sneak past him (damn you, Mr Snake!) I was forced yet again into combat, again prevailing without much trouble. Putting on his armband which read “Strength is Power”, I was pleased to discover it increased my combat skill even further. A shame it didn’t say “Luck is Power”, not that it would have made any sense.

Finally coming to the Healer’s cave, I entered to find the disfigured man sitting in front of a wall covered in bizarre masks. He told me that he had only ever cured the Death Spell once and was very unlikely to be able to cure me, then handed me a mask to wear which drained more of my health, thus ensuring that he was correct. He then took me to a wide pit with a log across it, and told me to cross. Rather than provide any light, he informed me that if I brought my own light source, it would be easier. Well, duh. Increasingly unsurprised at the Healer’s track record at curing my particular condition, I lit my handy candle and stepped on to the log with trepidation. Happily the crossing was a test of my ability and not random chance, and I made it across. The next test involved walking past a screaming banshee without succumbing to the urge to shut her up. The banshee told me I was going to die, and she was probably right so it didn’t bother me much.

At last the Healer informed me that I must travel to Firetop Mountain and climb to the top before dawn, where the rising sun would finally cure me of the Death Spell. Fortunately I happened to have a silver arrowhead with which he could summon a Pegasus to transport me directly there (again I was rather unimpressed with the Healer’s preparedness for curing this condition). Riding the beast through the skies, I mentally ticked this experience off my list of “Mythical beasts to ride before you die”, doubting I would ever get to tick off “Kraken” or “Mermaid”.

Arriving at the mountaintop, I settled down for a rest, unaware that Firetop Mountain was named as such for its red grass at the peak, which happened to be sleeping grass. Soon I was in a deep slumber, unable to wake until the image of a Phoenix entered my mind. Recognising it as such, I awoke just in time for the sun to rise and cure me of my ills. Climbing carefully down the mountain (what an anticlimax that could be) I set off for Stonebridge in the hope that Stubb had not only returned from Darkwood forest already, but had for some reason been immune to the Death Spell that afflicted Redswift and I. You never know…

Conclusion: Success! And about time too.

Number of combats: 12

Review

Writing: The story starts off as a fairly standard one – lowly caravan guard sent to hunt down yeti and finds him/herself dragged into a quest to defeat an evil villain and save the world. However it doesn’t end there and if anything the adventure post-mission is longer than the mission itself. This is interesting in a way but also feels a little bit like it’s been dragged out too long into an anticlimax. However the writing itself was good enough to keep me engaged throughout, with some nice descriptive text (despite the somewhat repetitive tunnels) and some relationship building with other characters. The gratuitous references to previous books did start to get a bit grating.

Writing: 3/5

Artwork: A nicely done front cover, although perhaps slightly odd to someone who hadn’t yet read the book. The internal illustrations have a distinctive style which may not be to everyone’s tastes but I quite enjoyed some of them, the image of the Brain Slayer (grrrr!) slaying the brains of Redswift and Stubb being one of my favourites.

Artwork: 4/5

Design: This felt like an extremely long adventure – I haven’t been comparing the number of paragraphs passed through on the way to victory in each book but I suspect this is easily the longest so far. This demonstrates a degree of linearity in the book, which gives the illusion of choice many times but keeps you largely on the same track throughout. This does make the inevitable replays increasingly tiresome.

Mechanically this book is brutal, and even with a SKILL of 12 you need a certain amount of luck to get through the sheer gauntlet of combats and STAMINA loss as a result of the Death Spell. In my final attempt I was worrying about my LUCK situation near the end because despite starting with a score of 11 it had decreased to 5 and I had a vague memory of needing to pass a LUCK test to get to the top of Firetop Mountain. Fortunately I’d forgotten about the Pegasus option which allowed me to skip the dangerous climb. I did enjoy the idea that I was running out of time to get healed towards the end but I felt like I was have preferred it if the majority of STAMINA loss came from the Death Spell and not from the random encounters along the way (a SKILL 12 Bird-Man, really?)

Design: 2/5

Fairness: As mentioned, the number of combats which required god-like stats to survive makes this a book for the extremely skilled adventurer. Also the encounter with the crystal warrior seemed rather unfair, not being given the option to call the genie and skip the encounter entirely if you own a war hammer is very harsh, especially as its far from an easy fight, and never are you offered the chance to use the genie again in the book even when there are several occasions where it would have been highly useful. On another occasion I was a bit miffed when I realised that to obtain a crucial item for killing the Snow Witch I had to violently attack some of her followers without provocation (they offered me cake!), which seems a bit mean-spirited considering their situation. That said, there aren’t too many situations where a 50/50 decision leads directly to failure.

Fairness: 2/5

Cheating index: 2 Razaaks

Some stat fiddling was needed when it became obvious that the average Joe wouldn’t stand a chance. I also peeked at the relevant crystal warrior reference so I could ‘lose’ the war hammer before the encounter.

Average enemy stats

Successful path:

15 encounters, SKILL 8.1, STAMINA 7.9

Entire book:

44 encounters, SKILL 8.4, STAMINA 8.4

Instant death paragraphs: 25

Any player can win no matter how weak initial dice rolls: Uh-huh. Huuuuge LIE.

Final thoughts

A decent, epic-feeling story marred by the sheer gauntlet of difficult combats and the linearity which reduces the pleasure of replays significantly. If you want to get anywhere in this book without replaying exactly the same events over and over, do yourself a favour and start with a SKILL of at least 11. I started off enjoying this one but eventually couldn’t wait for the end.

Final score: 5/10